X-Labyrinth
by Chavonnie26
Summary: My second parody. The X-Men are back and are dragged into the Parody Zone to do Labyrinth. But it won't be easy with a split-personality-ed author and a cast of crazy commentators. Will they survive? More than likely but you never know with a pyromaniac on the loose and I don't mean Pyro. ROMY, one sided ROGAN.
1. Chapter 1

"Look I know I said I'd be parodying TMNT but I couldn't find a copy. Besides this movie is better. For one thing I've actually seen it plus I found a script for it." Chavonnie26 says into her new phone while fiddling with the new feathers in her hair.

Today she is wearing a dark blue hoodie, black jeans with a dark grey floral print and tan sneakers. The feathers in her hair were white, black and dark blue a hint to the movie she was parodying albeit very, very subtle.

"Look I have to go. The wolverines are getting restless and hungry." Chavonnie says ending the call and entering the soundstage where the mutants from the last parody were waiting held at wolverine point except for Kurt who was being carried in on a golden throne by some Logan and Remy clones.

"Hellooo X-Men and welcome back." Chavonnie says with a big grin slightly chuckling at the sight of Kurt enjoying his throne.

"Feathers either you tell us why we're here or else you'll end up looking worse than Gumbo." Logan growls only to get a demented I mean delightful laugh from Chavonnie.

"How about I don't? Now first off those not in the parody will stay here with me for commentary while those in the parody are being sent to the Parody Zone." Chavonnie says with a big grin as she snaps her fingers leaving the room half full.

"Why didn't I get a part?" Kurt asks still sitting on his throne that had a bacon dispenser.

"Because I like you too much. Now shush the movie's starting." Chavonnie says pointing to one wall that had turned into a giant TV screen.

The remaining people sat down with popcorn that appeared out of nowhere and watched as a movie started playing on the screen.

* * *

We fade in on the sky during the day and a white bird with red on black eyes soaring. The sky is a glorious explosion of blue and mauve and lavender. The setting sun washes the clouds with a delicate pink tint. The bird swoops and spirals and we are right there with him. Then suddenly, below us, an extraordinary sight appears.

It is the labyrinth, an enormous maze of incredible mandala like intricacy. From our magnificent vantage point, we are barely able to make out its details: the twisting walls interrupted here and there by lush forest, the complex web of waterways and the forbidding castle at the core. It is vast and magical, frightening and compelling at the same time. We would love to linger, perhaps fly lower and get a better look at this wondrous place, but the bird flies on.

* * *

"Geez Crocodile Hunter much?" Kurt asks mockingly safe in the knowledge that he was one of Chavonnie's favourite characters.

"Blame that new Ozzie presenter on Animal Planet and my brother. When I was typing this up he was watching it in the background." Chavonnie says with a scowl before shoving some chocolate into her mouth.

* * *

We are now in a glade during the day. It is an idyllic setting, warm and inviting. The late afternoon sun washes everything with a pink glow. Between the water and a line of lush fruit trees is a flower-strewn glade.

A figure emerges from the trees and walks toward the water. It is Rogue dressed in a flowing white dress that swirls around her in the breeze. The pink light burnishes her hair and causes a gold circlet she wears on her head to glow. She is breath-taking, a vision of innocence and grace.

* * *

The cast of commentators are cracking up laughing at seeing Rogue in a dress and being called innocent.

* * *

She stops to pick a flower and then turns suddenly as if she has heard something.

"Is it you?" Rogue asks as she takes a few hurried steps and then stops, smiling shyly.

"Your Highness!" Rogue says happily.

Rogue curtsies deeply and then looks up through lowered lashes, the shy smile still dancing on her lips. And then we pull back to reveal a crown perched on a head of tight curls. We are looking through the crown at Rogue as she rises slowly, then looks boldly at the prince.

"Do not be swayed by my pleasure at the sight of you, my lord. For though my father, the Duke, has promised you my hand, I cannot consent to be yours until the evil that stalks our land from highest hill to deepest dale is ..." Suddenly Rogue stops speaking, a look of stunned confusion on her face.

* * *

"Something tells me the Parody Zone is on the fritz again." Chavonnie says nervously before checking the script again and blushing.

* * *

"... from highest hill to deepest dale ..." Rogue's brow furrows in concentration and then, "Damn!"

* * *

"It was part of the script!" Chavonnie yells holding the script in front of her like a shield as all the remaining X-Men surround her.

* * *

She burrows one hand into the deep sleeve of her gown and pulls out a rolled-up soft-cover book. She rifles through the pages. The prince is not a prince at all, but a mutt with a mullet wearing a tin foil crown. He thinks his work is over and it's time to play and he lunges happily towards the girl who isn't a princess or even a duchess, but 15-year-old Rogue.

* * *

"Very nice choice on the dog." Kurt says nodding his head in approval as Chavonnie hid in the rafters.

"Thanks! Always thought he looked like one anyway." Chavonnie says with a shrug.

* * *

Rogue is knocked over by the playful Lance. Beneath the gown which we can now see is homemade and not very grand at all, we see faded jeans and running shoes.

"Get off me, you monster!" Rogue shouts trying to shove Lance off her.

Lance grabs the book out of her hand and runs away with it, hoping to be chased. Rogue doesn't follow, she just sits up and pulls the grass out of her tangled hair and sighs with frustration. Lance comes back over to Rogue, his tail wagging hopefully.

"If you value your mangy life, Lance, you'll hand it over." Rogue says ready to pull off her gloves.

* * *

The cast of commentators looks up to where Chavonnie is hiding each with a look of confusion.

"Trust me it's better if you don't ask." Chavonnie says shuddering.

The cast shrug getting back to watching.

* * *

Lance obediently drops the book. We zoom in on the book. On the cover it says, Meander's Queen a play in three acts by Robin Zakar. Rogue reaches for it and we hear a clock tower begin to chime. Rogue leaps to her feet.

"Oh no, Lance! We're really late! Why does everything have to happen to me!?" Rogue shouts thinking she had it bad.

* * *

"When you have to spend 5 days a week trapped in your worst nightmare then talk to me." Chavonnie says filing her nails back on the ground since she knew the X-Men wouldn't hurt her, "So many boys and so much noise. Don't even get me started on the smells."

* * *

Lance prances around her happily, his foil crown in his mouth. Rogue pulls it out of his mouth and throws it in a nearby trash basket. He rushes after it and peers into the basket, wanting to fetch.

"It's all your fault, you miserable mutt!" Rogue yells wanting to blame someone.

She hikes up her dress and runs into the trees. Lance whimpers and tags along behind her.

* * *

"Sure blame the dog. Seriously dudette it's your own fault. When you make a mistake own up to it. That's what I do." Chavonnie says proudly as she smiles in a way that says 'I know something you don't.

"_No you don't. You usually blame it on me or your brother._" Chavonnie says in a voice that sounded distinctly British.

"No I don't." Chavonnie says in her normal voice freaking out the cast of commentators.

"_Yes you do. Like when you slipped pickle juice and tabasco into your dad's coffee and blamed it on your brother." _Chavonnie says in the second voice.

"You can't prove it was me." Chavonnie says normally and to save time and confusion I think I'll just call the second personality Von.

"_I am you._" Von says raising her/their eyebrow before going into a twitching fit as she and Chavonnie fought for control.

* * *

Rogue comes bursting through the trees and runs down a hill toward the street. We pull back and we can see an enormous steel mill on the other side of the river. And now we notice that the light isn't pink any more but sort of dull and hazy, and the idyllic glade is barely a suburban park, and this is just an ordinary day in a very ordinary place.

Rogue runs up a path to an older, rambling house. She goes through the front door, Lance hot on her heels, and neither one of them sees the beautiful snow-white bird that lands in a tree beside the path. Rogue bursts through the front door and makes a beeline for the stairs. She almost makes it. Mystique appears in the hallway.

* * *

"Something tells me Rogue is going to kill me when she gets back." Chavonnie says looking as if she had made a grave mistake but in control of her body again.

* * *

"Rogue, where have you been?!" Mystique asks sounding like an irate mother.

Rogue abruptly stops and changes to an elegantly graceful ascension of the stairs.

"I can't talk to you now. I'm in rehearsal." Rogue says in an affected voice

She continues grandly on and heads for her room.

"You were supposed to be home an hour ago to baby-sit for Laura! Don't we at least deserve an explanation?" Mystique asks her hands on her hips.

* * *

"Who's Laura?" Kurt asks a twitching Chavonnie who was still in control.

"X-23 and please don't ask why I cast her." Chavonnie says as Von took control tossing Chavonnie's chocolates to Kurt.

* * *

Rogue stops and leans over the railing. She speaks with a melodramatic solemnity.

"As Meander's Queen, I've been ... meandering. Dither me not about explanations." Rogue says practically screaming dramatic.

With that she turns and heads for her room. On the door is a sign that says: "Admittance by Invitation Only." Professor Xavier wheels into the hall.

"What's that all about?" Prof X asks with a raised eyebrow.

* * *

"_I can already feel my originality waning_." Von says shivering as her skin goes paler than it already was keeping control.

* * *

"It's a part in a play," Mystique says sounding tired before raising her voice and saying, "but that's no reason to..."

Rogue turns in her doorway. She calls down.

"Chasten not your Queen, Peasant!" Rogue shouts down sounding like a real actress.

She dramatically sweeps into her room. Rogue slams the door and leans against it, playing the scene.

"Rogue, that's no way to talk to your mother!" Professor X says in a voice over.

"She's not my mother." Rogue says mumbling to herself.

Rogue takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. She can hear footsteps and someone comes to the other side of the door. Rogue ignores her stepmother and kicks off her running shoes. With a practiced gesture Rogue removes her jeans while leaving her gown in place.

* * *

"_Why do I get the feeling Remy is enjoying this scene or will when I give him a copy?_" Von asks still shivering and shaking.

* * *

"Rogue, when I tell you to be home at five, I expect you to be home at five." Mystique says in a voice-over.

Rogue quickly shifts to her stepmother's attitude - hands on hips, and silently mimes her words.

"Yes, Madame!" Rogue says sounding exasperated.

We shift to the upstairs hallway.

"And don't "Yes Madame" me!" Mystique says sounding like she was at the end of her rope.

"Is she all right?" Prof X asks sounding concerned.

"Of course she's all right! I left the Lehmkuhls' number on the kitchen table ... Laura might be coming down with a cold so call us if she seems even the least bit uncomfortable ..." Mystique says surprising everyone that she could play the part so well.

* * *

"_Well Chavonnie may have slipped something into her coffee to make her a better actor. No worries I'm pretty sure it's not lethal."_ Von says much to Kurt's chagrin.

* * *

"Yes, Mother." Rogue says sounding exasperated.

"Oh! I give up!" Mystique shouts finally getting the hint.

She hurries down the stairs.

"We'll see you later, sweetheart. And remember ..." Prof X says sounding like a proper dad.

* * *

"Then how do you explain David?" Ororo asks with a raised eyebrow.

"_He was raised by his mom not his dad. And in the comics it was because his dad wanted him to control his powers._" Von says calm and not twitching at all.

* * *

We cut back to Rogue's room. Rogue speaks along with him, mimicking.

"Don't open the door to strangers." Rogue and Prof X say in unison.

We hear him leave. Rogue waits a beat and then turns and opens her bedroom door.

"And don't call me sweetheart!" Rogue yells as she slams the door shut before mimicking her parents by saying, "Precious little Laura might be coming down with a cold..."

She sighs and looks around. This is really her world, her retreat, and she knows and controls every inch of it.

* * *

"_Well technically we control it but that's beside the point." _Von says chopping on a carrot despite her body's protests.

* * *

The shelves are filled with an orderly array of childhood dolls and toys. The books are lined up neatly in the bookcase and if we could see them up close we would see that they were placed in alphabetical order – and according to the year they were acquired.

She walks over to her dresser. She checks herself out in the mirror above the chest of drawers and adjusts the golden circlet which has been knocked askew by her run. She then stops for a moment and looks at the photographs on the dresser.

One of Professor X, Ororo and herself as a little girl. Another picture of Ororo in a newspaper clipping is taped to the mirror. The headline says, "Ororo Munroe a Smash in New Play." A cover of a Playbill is also tacked on to the mirror. It says The Weather Witch starring Ororo Munroe.

Rogue then reverently opens a music box - the kind with a twirling dancer inside - and to the strains of an unbearably tinny version of "Greensleeves" she begins to rehearse.

"Do not be swayed by my pleasure at the sight of you, my Lord..." Rogue says doing her part perfectly.

Suddenly, something stops her cold.

"Someone has been in my room!" Rogue yells angrily noticing that someone stole a toy from her.

Through the mirror we see what she sees: an empty space on one of the shelves. She swirls around and rushes out the door. Rogue bursts out of her room.

"Where's Lancelot?" Rogue asks her right eye twitching slightly in annoyance.

* * *

"Currently a dog why?" Chavonnie asks gaining control of her body before shifting back to Von.

* * *

She stomps down the hallway.

"Where's my bear?!" Rogue yells on her rampage.

* * *

"_You should see Chavonnie whenever someone takes her bear Gambit or her toy penguin Rogue._" Von says shivering in fear.

* * *

Rogue enters Laura's room. She searches the nursery.

"Nobody listens to a thing I say." Rogue says searching for some sympathy.

She opens a toy box and rifles through it.

"How many times have I told them to stay out of my room ..." Rogue grumbles appealing to every teenager who has ever had their stuff routed through by nosy parents.

She gets to the crib and looks down. Laura is wide awake, gurgling at Lancelot, Rogue's tattered old teddy bear.

* * *

"WHO SAID THEY CAN USE GAMBIT AS A PROP?!" Chavonnie yells her eyes flashing a dangerous red as the cast members duck and cover.

* * *

"And you, you can just give me back my bear!" Rogue says getting a grip on Chavonnie's bear.

She yanks it out of the crib and leaves. Laura looks hurt and her face starts to cloud up.

* * *

"Uh oh." Kurt says noticing the same thing was happening to Chavonnie and with her powers it was wise to head for the atomic bomb shelters.

* * *

Rogue is curled up on her bed, cuddling Chavonnie's bear. Lance sits beside her. She looks at the dog.

"You're the only one who understands me, Lance." Rogue says giving the mulleted dog a scratch behind the ears.

He licks her face. She gets up and holds the bear out in front of her.

* * *

"GIVE ME BACK THE BEAR!" Chavonnie yells the objects around her flying while covered in red energy.

* * *

"Do not be swayed by my pleasure at the sight of you, my lord..." Rogue says using Gambit as the prince.

She is interrupted by Laura's cries.

"Go to sleep, Laura!" Rogue shouts as Gambit is traded for a different bear.

* * *

"I'll never let you go again." Chavonnie says hugging the bear tightly.

* * *

The cries get louder. Rogue sighs and repeats her favourite litany.

"Why does everything have to happen to me?" Rogue says having no room to complain.

Rogue enters the nursery and approaches the howling infant.

"I don't need this." Rogue says sounding like Chavonnie when she had to change her brother's diapers.

She pulls the blanket up over her and attempts to tuck her in.

"There, isn't that nice ..." Rogue asks with a small smile.

But Laura doesn't think so. She pushes the blanket off and howls even louder.

* * *

"_GAH! Someone put a sock in her!" _Von yells clapping her hands over her ears in pain.

* * *

Rogue sees one of Laura's toys on the floor and picks it up and gives it to her. She speaks through gritted teeth.

"Want your nice toy?" Rogue asks and it's clear she wants the kid to shut up even more than Chavonnie and Von do.

But Laura doesn't. She flings the toy across the room. Rogue bends over the crib and speaks softly.

"You know, Laura, I heard that the only thing to do with a baby who won't stop crying is to get some goblins to come over and teach her a lesson ..." Rogue says deviously well as deviously as her accent will allow.

Laura lowers her screams to a whimper, but a loud whimper.

* * *

"Thank you Rogue/_Thank you Rogue._" Chavonnie and Von say at the same time doing a freaky echo effect.

* * *

"How would you like that, kid? A nasty evil goblin ..." Rogue says her smile pure evil.

Laura is quiet for a moment, almost as if she is considering. Then she really howls. Rogue sighs and picks her up. She begins to pace back and forth, and starts to hum. Laura goes back to a mere whimper.

"Oh, you like that, do you?" Rogue asks with an evil grin.

She begins to hum even louder and more melodically as she places the baby back into the crib. She then begins one of the most macabre lullabies you could ever imagine. She sings of how scary the dark is, how "the shadows on the wall like to eat you when you're small" and how "a baby doesn't stand a chance when the Goblins start their dance." She throws herself into her performance; adding to it a wild dance that has her whirling around the room, leaping into the air, making strange shadows on the wall. Finally, the dance ends when too many crazed pirouettes result in her stumbling against Laura's dresser. She staggers a bit and then the lights blink as a crack of thunder is heard, followed by a flash of lightning.

* * *

"Anyone else terrified for their lives?" Chavonnie asks hiding under Kurt's throne with Kurt while everyone else was hiding in the rafters.

Everyone nods.

* * *

Little Laura is wailing. She hasn't understood a thing that Rogue has sung but she can sense that something is wrong.

"Ah, c'mon, Laura. It was just a song." Rogue says trying to get Laura to stop.

They are interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Rogue reacts with a gasp of surprise. Laura, for some inexplicable reason, is suddenly quiet.

Rogue approaches the front door with some trepidation. She starts to open it, then realizes what she is doing. She fastens the chain and only then opens the door.

Through the door opening Rogue can see a very elegantly dressed, quite good-looking man of an indeterminate age. He has a worldly air, or is it other-worldly? Before he can speak a flash of lightning illuminates his face. He is a mesmerizing sight and Rogue can't help but gawk.

* * *

"Something tells me he's used to it." Chavonnie says noting the smirk on Remy's face in the shot.

* * *

"Excuse me, is this the home of Rogue ... Rogue, the actress?" Remy asks with his signature smirk.

Rogue's jaw drops.

"That's me." Rogue says with a star struck expression.

"Allow me to introduce myself ..." Remy says as he holds out his hand, "I'm Robin Zaker."

Rogue squeals with delight.

* * *

"Did she just?" Chavonnie asks her eyes wide having not budged from her spot since there was a Bar One dispenser built into the throne.

"I think so." Kurt says from his place next to Chavonnie since when she was in control they were having a good conversation.

Both just shake their heads.

* * *

"You wrote the play!" Rogue says with a big grin.

He smiles.

"Just a second." Rogue says about to do something really stupid.

Rogue's hand hesitates over the chain for just a moment, and then she unfastens it and opens the door. Remy enters and extends his hand.

* * *

"See I told you she would do something stupid." Chavonnie says shaking her head and eating her chocolate.

* * *

"It is an honour, chere. I understand you make a delightful Queen Meander." Remy says kissing Rogue's hand.

"Well, we've just started rehearsal, but how did you know?" Rogue asks so enamoured with Remy she doesn't recognise the warning sirens going off in her head.

"I was passing through this part of the country and heard that it was going to be done here. This is the first amateur production of the play, which of course is delightful for me." Remy says actually using first person pronouns.

"You know we were supposed to open tonight, but we got delayed. The firemen had to use the hall." Rogue says forgetting everything her parents said about strangers.

"Yes, I know, that's why I wanted to stop by to see you." Remy says his brown eyes glinting.

* * *

"Wait. What?" Kurt asks looking to Chavonnie for an answer to the brown eyes.

"Would you open your door to a guy with red on black eyes? I didn't think so." Chavonnie says before control goes back to Von.

* * *

They are interrupted by a particularly loud crash from upstairs. And then Laura begins to howl.

* * *

"_Certainly has her dad's lungs_." Von says covering her ears and glaring at the screen before control snaps back to Chavonnie.

* * *

"That's my sister ..." Rogue says almost hesitantly.

There is another crash and Rogue starts up the stairs.

"I'll be right back!" Rogue shouts sounding like a teenage girl who wants to spend more time with her crush.

Remy watches her run up the stairs. He glances around and then walks right to the liquor cabinet and takes out a bottle.

* * *

"I swear he has an alcohol sense or something. No way he could have found where I hide my tequila and bourbon so fast without one." Chavonnie says shaking her head in awe of Remy's bloodhound senses for alcohol.

"You have a stash of tequila and bourbon?" Kurt asks clearly eying the sixteen year old.

"Yeah. Doesn't everyone? It's the only way to keep Von quiet." Chavonnie says a bottle of tequila in her hand before she takes a long swig.

* * *

Back in the nursery Laura in standing in her crib crying her eyes out. Rogue rushes in and sees that the storm has blown open the adjacent window and it is crashing against the wall. She rushes to close it. Laura's screams are piteous.

"Oh, Laura ..." Rogue says feeling sorry for her little sister.

There is more thunder, and then lightning flashes across the darkened room.

"Perhaps I can soothe him ..." Remy says in a voice over.

Rogue gasps and whirls around. Remy is framed in the doorway. He has a drink in his hand. Rogue holds the baby close.

"You shouldn't be up here!" Rogue says finally using her common sense.

"I just wanted to help ..." Remy says smoothly.

Rogue rushes by him, still clutching the baby. Rogue comes out of the nursery and hurries down the stairs. Remy follows. Laura is still crying.

"Maybe you'd better leave ..." Rogue says nervously.

* * *

"And where was this hesitation earlier? Oh right hormones took it and buried it." Chavonnie says one of the few sober cast members left since she had decided to share her booze.

* * *

She gets to the bottom of the stairs. Laura whimpers. Remy is making her very nervous.

"... I, uh, don't think I care to talk to you about the play." Rogue says her breathing erratic in fear.

He is right behind her, almost too close.

"Neither do I." Remy says in his suave tone.

Rogue is shocked and disturbed by this.

"What!" Rogue asks outraged stopping long enough for Remy to catch up to her.

Remy reaches over and smoothes Laura's hair.

"I'm more concerned about the baby, of course." Remy says almost tenderly.

* * *

"Why do I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach?" Chavonnie asks trying to push an unconscious Kurt off of her.

She was the only one still awake due to her super metabolism.

"_Maybe because the cast is unconscious and Remy is being a major creeper right now?"_ Von asks managing to get Kurt off her.

"Yup it's probably that also remind me at the end of this to give you your own body. I seriously need some space." Chavonnie says sitting on Kurt's throne enjoying a large bottle of bourbon.

* * *

Rogue pulls Laura out of his reach.

"Laura's just fine." Rogue says defensively.

But she isn't. She's still crying. Remy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a coin. He runs it over his fingers right in front of Laura's face. The baby stops crying.

"There, isn't that better?" Remy asks his smirk on his face.

"Uh, sure ... but you really have to leave ..." Rogue says nervously.

Remy ignores her and heads into the living room.

"I'm not just a playwright, as you can see ... bring him in here and I'll do some other tricks for him ..." Remy says in a way that reminds you of a hypnotist.

"No! You've got to ..." Rogue says but he is already in the living room.

She follows, still holding the baby. Remy is sitting on the sofa, looking very comfortable. Rogue stands in the doorway, not sure what to do. Reluctantly, she goes and sits down across from him.

"Now watch this, Laura ..." Remy says with a smile.

He reaches into his breast pocket and tugs on the handkerchief there. It comes out followed by many others, all different colours. Rogue rolls her eyes. This is not that exciting a trick. Laura isn't impressed, either. In fact she starts to cry again.

"So you're going to be like that, are you, Laura? Well, you know what that means?" Remy asks as the author rocks back and forth muttering under her breath in a bunch of gibberish.

He leans across the table and Rogue pulls the baby closer.

"It's time to call the goblins!" Remy says seriously annoyed with all the crying.

"What?!" Rogue shouts her eyes wide.

Rogue is surprised to hear this, to say the least. It echoes her silly threat to Laura earlier.

"Yes. That's what we do with bad babies ... we send for the goblins!" Remy says with all the finesse of a trained actor.

And with that he reaches into yet another pocket and pulls out a poorly made, very silly-looking goblin hand puppet. Rogue laughs with relief. Remy, his hand in the puppet, talks in a high-pitched, unconvincing goblin voice.

"You like goblins, don't'cha, Laura?" Remy asks before saying in a singsong voice, "but I bet your sister doesn't ..."

Rogue rolls her eyes at this, and then gasps. Because for one very strange moment, the puppet keeps bouncing, but both of Remy's hands are visible! And then the puppet seems to move away from the table, and disappear! Laura claps her hands with delight. Rogue jumps out of her chair.

"Where is it?!" Rogue shouts angrily.

* * *

"Duck and cover!" Chavonnie yells hiding under Kurt's throne shivering and shaking at Rogue's rage.

* * *

Remy points to a large cabinet against the wall.

"It's in there." Remy says calmly.

"Impossible!" Rogue shouts obviously having never seen Dynamo: Magician Impossible.

"See for yourself." Remy says still calm despite his annoyance.

Rogue hesitates for a moment, and then places Laura carefully on the rug. She then marches over to the cabinet and throws open the door. The puppet is grinning wildly from inside the cabinet.

Rogue gasps and involuntarily slams the door. She whirls around to face Remy.

"How did you do that?!" Rogue asks her face a mixture of shock and awe.

* * *

"You should have seen me when I saw Dynamo walk on water. I'm still picking gravel out of my chin." Chavonnie says still hiding.

* * *

Remy leans back into the sofa.

"Magic." Remy says very matter of fact.

"Oh sure ..." Rogue says sarcasm dripping from her lips.

She nods, sceptically. She can't see - but WE CAN DEFINITELY SEE - the cabinet door slowly open behind her, and out of it comes a tiny, fierce-looking goblin! This is not a puppet, but a living creature that moves quickly out of sight with an exaggerated tiptoe. The goblin is played by Toad. Rogue is busy with another problem. She doesn't see Laura!

"Where's Laura?!" Rogue asks her eyes blazing in fury.

Remy shrugs. In a panic, Rogue begins to look around this room. She calls for Laura and, as she passes in front of the living room doorway, we can see something scurry across the hallway. Rogue stops and listens.

"Laura?" Rogue asks almost hopefully.

But it wasn't a baby she heard. Behind her there is more scurrying as creatures begin to appear from various parts of the room. We hear faint snickering. She turns to Remy, terrified.

"Where is she?!" Rogue asks her whole body shaking with rage.

Remy points to the chair Rogue was sitting in. She is behind the chair and can't see anything. But when she comes around in front of it she sees Laura comfortably ensconced in the cushions. And she's playing with the goblin puppet! Rogue reaches over and grabs the puppet out of her hands. She flings it across the room and scoops up the baby.

"Who are you?!" Rogue asks her patience finally gone.

Remy throws back his head and laughs, then suddenly leaps off the sofa and lands very close to her.

"I've been known by many names ... but the one I prefer is Remy LeBeau, King of the Goblins!" Remy shouts dramatically.

* * *

"And Thieves. Never forget the thieves. Which reminds me I need to contact the Guild and order a robbery. I need more liquor." Chavonnie says motioning to her empty stash of liquor.

* * *

Rogue holds Laura close and backs away.

"I don't believe this!" Rogue says her eyes wide and her breathing erratic.

Amidst thunder and lightning Remy flings his arms up into the air, and he is suddenly dressed in strange, medieval garb, a cloak swirling around him. And what's worse, much, much worse, is that suddenly goblins are everywhere! Popping out of drawers, from under chairs, swinging off the chandeliers. Rogue turns and runs out of the room and into the foyer. It's worse in here! The goblins are pouring down the stairs, some slide down the bannister! Rogue tries running into another room, but is soon back, followed by a dozen more! She barely makes it to the front door and struggles to open it with the baby in her arms.

The goblins pull her back and laugh wildly. They fling her right into Remy's arms. He scoops Laura up and whirls away from her. Rogue tries to grab the baby back but the goblins get between them.

"Give her back, you monster! Give her back!" Rogue shouts hysterical.

Remy only laughs and starts to swirl gracefully. Laura laughs with delight and Rogue struggles to reach him. With a superhuman effort she pushes through the mass of creatures and grabs onto Remy's fluttering cloak. It's like being caught up in a whirlwind of incredible force.

"I ... won't ... let ... you ... take ... him!" Rogue screams at such a high pitch Chavonnie's glasses shatter.

* * *

"These were brand new too." Chavonnie says repairing her glasses with her powers.

* * *

But it's too late. Rogue's feet leave the ground and she is pulled with them and the whole mass of goblins. Remy and Laura swirl up through where the ceiling would have been, up into the blackness. There's a quick montage of shots: Remy's laughing face; Rogue, desperate as her fingers are losing their grip; Laura, who's having a great time; goblins, all gleeful; then – Remy's garment pulls out of Rogue's grip. She falls out of frame, a silent scream on her face.

* * *

"Well that should do it for the week. Until next time I'm Chavonnie26 and I parody it so you don't have to." Chavonnie says sitting on a large gold throne that had wolverines carved into it.

She starts to evil laugh before going into a hacking cough.

"I also don't own X-Men Evolution or Labyrinth. This is the first and last time I'm going to say this." Chavonnie says still coughing before taking a long drink of water.

"This fic is dedicated to Susan J Sparrow. Hope you enjoyed this because there's more coming up. See you all next week." Chavonnie says waving good bye as we fade out.


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own X-Men Evolution, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Labyrinth. What I do own is a craving for pizza, my two nutty selves and an evil laugh that won't go away.**

* * *

"And we're back. Let's recap. Rogue acted like a ninny and ended up getting her little sister captured. Chavonnie and the other commentators got drunk and they're nursing a hangover. And I finally have my own body. Now back to the parody." Von says enjoying her new body.

Her body has pale skin, light blonde hair in a messy ponytail, light blue eyes and she was wearing a light pink sundress, white flip flops and white pearl chocker.

"That's my line." Chavonnie says dressed in a dark blue sundress, black high tops and a black pearl chocker.

* * *

The sky is pink, and the white bird swoops by us as we tilt down to see the exterior wall of the labyrinth. It is a high masonry wall that extends off in either direction. Along the wall are various ornamental bushes and there is a small figure of a dwarf, his back to us, peeing into a tiny pond. It looks for all the world like one of those ornamental garden sculptures. But it isn't. This is Logan.

* * *

Despite their hang overs the cast laugh until they're rolling on the floor. Von and Chavonnie especially since they made the casting choice.

* * *

In a closer shot, which is quite discreet, Logan finishes peeing, and goes over to a particularly lush shrub. A few butterfly-like creatures that look suspiciously like Sabretooth, flower fairies, flit around the bushes.

"An' how's me pride an' joy!" Logan asks acting like Ororo with her roses.

He leans forward to sniff one of the magnificent blossoms, sighing with pleasure as he does. But before he can indulge he is stopped by the whistling sound of a falling object. Rogue falls from the sky and lands right on his prize shrub! Incensed, he screams with fury.

"What is this? Look what you done! You murderer!" Logan yells over reacting as his claws fight to come out.

Rogue struggles out of the broken shrub.

"What are you saying, you horrible little man?!" Rogue shouts having lost her temper long ago.

* * *

"If Rogue doesn't kill us Logan sure will." Chavonnie says hiding behind Von.

"Not us. Just you. I kept telling you it was a bad idea to cast Logan as Hoggle and Mystique as Rogue's stepmother but did you listen? No." Von says rolling her eyes.

* * *

"I ain't horrible, I'm Logan. And just look! You've destroyed me prize blossoms!" Logan says before he realizes the extent of the damage to his prize specimen.

"I'll get ya for it, you big oaf!" Logan says as his claws peak out his knuckles but go right back in.

And he picks up a spray can and goes after Rogue. But she's had enough. After the nightmarish kidnapping of Laura and a drop from the deepest space, this guy is child's play. She reaches out and pulls the can from Logan's hands. She then grabs him by the shirt-front and practically lifts him off the ground.

"Oh no you don't! If anyone's getting anything around here, it's me ... now where' my sister?!" Rogue shouts acting like Chavonnie would if someone stole her brother.

* * *

"Doubt it." Chavonnie says filing her nails as Von is held upside down by a rope and is suspended over a pit of wolverines.

* * *

"I ain't sayin' nothin' 'til ye let me go!" Logan says crossing his arms over his chest.

Rogue sighs and lets go.

"I'm sorry. But this just hasn't been my day." Rogue says calming down.

Logan looks at his crushed shrub again.

"Ye ain't the only one." Logan says with a sigh.

Rogue ignores him and stares at the massive wall behind them.

"And I don't understand any of this!" Rogue shouts becoming an annoying whiny brat.

Logan shakes his head and sighs.

"Now where have I heard that before." Logan asks sounding tired and his real age of over a hundred.

"What do you mean?" Rogue asks curious.

"I mean, everyone who comes here thinkin' they can make it through the labyrinth says sumthin' like…" Logan says before mimicking Rogue in a whiny, high pitch saying, "... I don't understand this, whatever am I doing here, how will I ever get home ..."

* * *

"Huh that was actually pretty good." Chavonnie says with a smirk on her face as Von dangled above the pit that now was on fire.

"So you were the only thing keeping her from going flat out homicidal?" Kurt asks from his throne eating an ice cream.

"Yup. I'm basically Chavonnie's Jiminy Cricket. Except instead of telling her she can't do something I stop her from doing it in the first place. That is if I can get control in time." Von says completely calm as she rocked back and forth while Chavonnie cackled.

"Hey I don't cackle! I evil laugh. There's a difference." Chavonnie says indignantly before launching into an evil laugh that gave Magneto's a run for its money.

* * *

"What makes you think I'm here to get through a labyrinth?" Rogue asks her hands on her hips.

Logan shakes his head again.

"Can't think of any reason why you'd be standin' here in front o' this gate if you weren't." Logan says starting to think that Rogue had lost her brain.

* * *

"He thought it not me." Chavonnie says holding her hands up in defence.

* * *

Rogue doesn't understand what he is talking about but when she looks up she can't believe her eyes. A huge gate where just a moment ago there nothing but smooth, endless wall. Rogue gulps in disbelief. Then the huge wooden doors fly open and a terrified Evan runs out, full speed, screaming for his life. Right behind him come two menacing goblins played by Jean and Scott riding on strange beasts. They are armed and dangerous looking. They quickly catch up with Evan and drag him, screaming piteously, back through the gate.

* * *

Everyone turns to Chavonnie who is sipping a chocolate milkshake.

"What? I didn't order that hit. At least I don't remember ordering it. But then again I have been known to do things in my sleep such as ordering a hit on Jean and Scott, also one on Lance and Toad and Pietro and Sabretooth and Magneto and Mastermind and Mesmero and my brother and a bunch of boys in my class. Maybe I should just make a list of people I don't want dead." Chavonnie says with a look of concentration on her face as she tries to remember if she ordered the hit.

* * *

Before the gates close Rogue can see more goblins, what seems like hundreds of them. Some are mounted, most of them are armed. And beyond them a walled passageway seems to go on forever. Then the wooden doors slam shut.

"Oh, no! Not more goblins!" Rogue says sounding scared for her life.

"That's Remy's goblin army, and that other poor fool musta been caught meanderin' where he had no business." Logan says sounding as if this happened every day.

"What will they do to him?" Rogue asks feeling sorry for Evan.

"I don't like to think about things like that." Logan says and by his tone we can tell it's too horrid for words.

Rogue shudders.

"I wonder if things can get any worse?" Rogue asks not knowing how easy she had it.

Logan sighs knowingly.

"He's taken sumthin' o' yours, ain't he?" Logan asks as the cast check their pockets to find they were all empty.

* * *

"Even in another dimension he manages to steal from us." Chavonnie says ready to impale Remy's head on a pike for taking Gambit.

* * *

Rogue is clearly surprised that he knew.

"Remy, our high an' mighty king ..." Logan says as if it pained him to say it.

Rogue nods, excited that someone has a grasp of the situation.

"Bet he's gone and taken sumthin' you love." Logan says as if he had heard this all before.

"Close. He's got my baby sister." Rogue says shrugging.

Logan laughs derisively.

"Baby snatchin'! That's low." Logan says shaking his head.

"So I've just got to do something!" Rogue says determined.

"Like what?" Logan asks honestly curious.

"Get Laura back, of course!" Rogue says as if it were obvious.

"Then ya'd have ta make it through the labyrinth, 'cause Remy's castle is at its very center." Logan says so matter of factly he sounds like Scott.

Rogue looks at the gates and gulps.

"Is it difficult?" Rogue asks nervous.

Logan snorts with derision.

"Is me prize shrub crushed into oblivion?" Logan asks obviously still upset about it.

Rogue is reaching the breaking point. Again.

* * *

"And here I thought I had a short fuse." Chavonnie says pausing from lighting some fire crackers under Von's chair.

* * *

"Look, I'm sorry about your bush! But it's not like I asked to have some weirdo come and take my baby sister and then drop me out of the sky!" Rogue shouts her eyes blazing in fury.

"Well, I didn't ask for some overgrown flower fairy to drop on me prized possession, neither!" Logan shouts back just as angry.

"Oh, this is ridiculous!" Rogue says throwing her hands up into the air.

* * *

"Nope this fic pasted ridiculous in the last chapter. Now it's just plain loony. Right Von?" Chavonnie asks as she tosses in some dynamite to the pit above which Von is dangled.

"I really can't say about the fic but I will agree that you've gone stark raving bonkers and that's without the voices in your head." Von says gulping when she realised that the rope was fraying.

"You really think I'm as smart as Stark?" Chavonnie asks hopefully obviously having not heard the rest of Von's sentence.

"And you wonder why I wanted to keep her locked up." Von says to Kurt who was only now starting to realise the one nearly always in control was the one who shouldn't have been.

"I'm going to ignore that." Chavonnie says shaking her head before fixing the rope.

* * *

And she stalks off to the gate, mumbling all the way.

"... standing here wasting time talking to some weird guy who should be living under a bridge ..." Rogue says to herself not knowing about the hole she was digging for herself.

* * *

"Let's see it's six by four feet right? For a grave I mean?" Chavonnie asks in a grave digger outfit digging a grave that already had a headstone saying 'Rogue, died by insulting a favourite character'.

"If he's a favourite character why send him in with the loonies?" Kurt asks ready to defend Rogue if need be but praying that he wouldn't have too.

"Eh I couldn't find anyone else short or grumpy enough to play the role." Chavonnie says back in her normal clothes with the grave complete.

* * *

She is almost at the gate when she freezes with fear. Through the gate she can hear the cheers and jeers of the goblins, and what might be the wailing of their poor captive. There's no way she wants to risk facing that horrific crew.

* * *

"Please it's just Jean and Scott how terrifying can they be?" Chavonnie asks with a smug grin before Kurt shows her a picture of Jean with no make-up on and she starts to scream.

"Okay I can see why Rogue doesn't want to face them." Chavonnie says hanging from the rafters by her fingernails.

* * *

Logan has come up behind her and as she backs away from the gate she bumps into him. She shrieks and whirls around.

"That ain't the only way in, ya know!" Logan says sounding as if he really wanted to get rid of her.

Rogue is very relieved to hear this.

"It's not?!" Rogue asks hopefully yet still angry at Logan.

"Course it ain't. There's many a route in ... just only one way out." Logan says hesitantly despite his want for quiet.

"Well show me one! I've got to find my sister!" Rogue says showing just how stubborn a girl can be.

Logan sighs impatiently. He fingers a belt that he wears, rattling it in an obvious manner. It in hung with every kind of watch and bracelet and ring you can imagine.

"Information like that has a price ..." Logan says obviously wanting something.

* * *

"Geez hoarder much?" Chavonnie asks still hanging from the rafters.

"Says the girl who is in fact a hoarder." Von says making Chavonnie's cheeks heat up.

"I'm not a hoarder. I just forget to clean up. A lot." Chavonnie says turning bright red.

* * *

Rogue, taken aback by the amount of loot he's acquired.

"I could give you this ..." Rogue says as she takes the gold circlet off her head.

Logan isn't interested.

"I had sumthin' o' this caliber in mind ..." Logan says as he takes her hand.

We see that she is wearing a beautiful ruby ring. Rogue shakes her head vehemently.

"No. My mother gave me that." Rogue says pulling her hand away.

* * *

"How did you get into my jewellery box?" Ororo asks as Von whistles innocently and Chavonnie seems to struggle even harder to get loose from her rafter prison.

"Remy." They say in unison creeping everyone out.

* * *

Logan eyes it greedily.

"She could give ya another ..." Logan says unaware of what whoever stole the ring had to get through.

"No, she couldn't." Rogue says as sadness crosses her face suddenly, "She lives real far away ..."

The sadness disappears just as suddenly. She holds out the circlet.

"This is all you get." Rogue says stubbornly.

He grabs the circlet and bites it.

"Bah! It's paste!" Logan says rubbing his tongue on his sleeve.

Something catches Rogue's eye. It is one of the tiny flower fairies. She leans over for a better look.

"No it's not, it's plastic." Rogue says almost absent-mindedly.

Logan's eyes light up at that and he grunts with satisfaction as he strings the circlet onto his belt. Rogue reaches out her hand to the fairy.

"What a beautiful little thing ..." Rogue says obviously having not seen the fairy up close.

Logan reaches for the spray can.

"Let me at it!" Logan shouts ready to kill the fairy.

* * *

"I don't blame him. Yeah turns out wearing catnip perfume around Sabretooth is not a good idea." Chavonnie says managing to get free and rest in the rafters.

* * *

Rogue is enraged.

"You murderer! How can you kill such beautiful creatures?!" Rogue asks angrily shielding the fairy from the spray.

Just then the fairy gives Rogue a vicious bite. She shakes it off her hand and cries out in pain.

"It bit me!" Rogue shouts dropping the fairy.

Logan quickly sprays the offending fairy and it falls to the earth, screaming all the way.

"Of course it bit ya! There's nuthin' more vicious than a flower fairy. Any fool knows that!" Logan shouts stomping on the fairy for good measure.

* * *

"Apparently not any fool." Chavonnie says eating some pizza.

"Where'd you get that?" Kurt asks his stomach grumbling.

"From the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Duh." Chavonnie says pointing to said turtles who were eating pizza across from her.

"When did they get here?" Von asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Around the fourth time I played the Ninja Rap and stayed after I watched TMNT3. Why?" Chavonnie asks tying a black bandana mask around her eyes and drawing two steel fans.

"Uh no reason." Von says noting that Chavonnie had gone full ninja and had disappeared taking the pizza with her.

"Whoa she's even better at vanishing than us." Mikey says his mouth full of pizza.

* * *

Rogue sucks on her wounded hand and tries not to cry.

"But you don't know nuthin', do ya?" Logan asks with a sigh.

A tear trickles down Rogue's cheek. Logan sighs.

"I got a feelin' I'm gonna regret this." Logan says before he stalks off, "Come with me an' I'll show ya a way in."

Rogue hurries after him. As they walk along the endless wall Logan looks at the circlet and polishes it on his sleeve.

"Plastic!" Logan says thrilled with his token.

* * *

"Yeah he probably shouldn't be." Chavonnie says appearing out of nowhere with a knocked out WHAT THE HECK IS THAT THING?!

"Oh this? This is just a Kraang. No biggie." Chavonnie says holding out the *shudder* creature that looks like it belongs in the sewer no offence to the sewer dwellers in the room.

"Now if you'll excuse me there's a mutagen bomb on Main that needs diffusing. Here's to hoping I don't set it off." Chavonnie says vanishing again thankfully taking the creature with her.

Wait a second did she say BOMB?! We quickly shift to see Chavonnie diffusing a giant bomb that could take out the city. Anyone else really wishing that they were in the Parody Zone right now?

"Chillax I got this. Now which do I cut? The red or the green wire?" Chavonnie asks holding two wires in her hands that were niether colour.

We're doomed. Tune in next time to see if we survive. Until then I'll be hiding in the sewers.

* * *

**Well for me it's technically next week so I hoped you enjoyed the chapter. Till next time. I'm Chavonnie26 and I parody it so you don't have to.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not nor have I ever owned Labyrinth, X-Men Evolution or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.**

* * *

When we last saw Chavonnie she was diffusing a large mutagen bomb. Let's see how she's doing.

"Would it be wrong just to set this thing off? I mean New York is already a hotspot for mutants. What's a few more to add to the mix?" Chavonnie asks herself as she tries to find a way to shut down the bomb.

"Stupid thing won't break." Chavonnie says her right eye twitching before her face lights up.

"Of course! It's so obvious! Why didn't I think this before?!" Chavonnie shouts holding up some dynamite.

"Let's see a bit of dynamite here, some hydrogen canisters there and finally a bit of nitro-glycerine. Voila the perfect explosion. Sure it'll mutate the city but hey at least they'll get to see a beautiful explosion first." Chavonnie says setting up the explosives before tripping over a black cable that was plugged into an outlet.

"How did I not notice that?" Chavonnie asks pulling out the power cable.

"YOUCH!" Chavonnie yells as she's zapped by a couple thousand volts of electricity before letting go of the cable.

"Reality warping powers and I end up having to do the dirty work of four teenage turtles. Oh how the mighty have fallen." Chavonnie says trying to smooth down her hair.

Speaking of the mighty who have fallen let's get back to the Parody Zone and the commentators.

* * *

At another part of the wall, Logan pushes a bush aside and shows Rogue a tiny door. She looks at it dubiously.

"This'll take ya into the maze, that's the first part of the labyrinth ..." Logan says ready to get rid of Rogue.

"The first part! What comes after that?" Rogue asks wanting to know what she was getting into.

Logan gets down on his knees and starts to crawl through the door.

"Then there's the Garden Maze, then the Forbidden Forest ..." Logan says almost absentminded.

"That sounds inviting ..." Rogue says unsurely.

He is through the door. He is still talking but Rogue can't hear him. She quickly tries to follow.

"Wait! Wait! I can't hear you ..." Rogue says but Logan is through the door.

" ... then comes the castle ..." Logan says leaning against the wall.

Rogue's head appears.

"... that's surely where Remy's keepin' the babe ..." Logan says as Rogue struggles.

Logan looks down at Rogue; she is through the door to her waist and straining to get the rest of herself through. Logan sighs and grabs her hand. With a groan he tugs on her and pulls her through the doorway. She lands flat on her face.

"Ya don't seem ta be able ta do nuthin' without my help, do ya?" Logan asks with barely concealed amusement.

Logan chuckles and Rogue gives him a look that could kill as she gets up and dusts herself off. She looks around and the environment seems rather benign. The brick walls are open to the sky, here and there a flower peeks through a crack.

"Oh, I think I can handle it. In fact, this place doesn't seem so bad at all." Rogue says happily thinking things will be easy.

And with that, she jauntily heads down the nearest corridor.

* * *

"Good luck sister. Now if you'll excuse me I have a ton of mutagen to dispose of. I just hope the sewage treatment plant can handle it." Chavonnie says with an evil laugh before disappearing with the mutagen.

I gotta tell Von. We shift back to the sound stage where Von is talking to the cast about over throwing Chavonnie and locking her up. Von suddenly looks up alerted to my presence.

"Where is she?" Von asks ready to lock the insane author up.

Heading to the sewage treatment plant and she's got a ton of mutagen with her. The cast get moving immediately and while they're traveling let's get back to the movie.

* * *

Down corridor 1, Rogue turns a corner and comes face to face with a face. It is huge and grotesque and protrudes out of the wall. Oh wait that's just Toad.

"Go back yo! Go back yo before it's too late yo!" Toad moans almost in pain.

Rogue screams and backs away from it, moving further down the corridor. She backs into something and whirls around. It's another Toad.

"Turn back while you still can yo!" the second Toad moans just like the first one.

Rogue turns and runs back the way she came.

"Logan!" Rogue screams as we shift back to Logan.

Logan is still standing by the door, an amused smile on his face. Rogue comes rushing toward him.

"Oh, I'm so glad you're still here! They were horrible ..." Rogue says looking for some sympathy.

"You don't mean the False Alarms, do ya?" Logan asks with a grin.

He shakes his head and goes off in the direction that Rogue just came from.

"If ya gonna let a little thing like them scare ya, Missy, ya haven't a hope o' makin' it to the castle." Logan says his hands in his pockets.

* * *

"Hey! Toad is pretty scary! Plus has one of the most awesome lines ever uttered in an X-Men film." Chavonnie says half way to the sewage treatment plant unaware of her tail.

"Well I'm aware of them now. Time to pick up the pace." Chavonnie says travelling at a speed that is hard for her followers to keep up.

Chavonnie evil laughs before colliding with a solid brick wall.

"What did you do that for?" Chavonnie asks holding her head and trying not to drop the mutagen that she was holding up with her powers.

You forget that while you are powerful, I as the narrator have absolute control. Observe. Chavonnie then gently put down the mutagen and created a cage that she could not get out of.

"You wouldn't dare." Chavonnie says glaring at me as her feet shuffle towards the cage.

I would. Chavonnie teleports inside the cage just as Von and her crew arrive. Von looks confused before understanding washes over her and the crew. Now while they sort out the Chavonnie mess let's get back to Rogue.

* * *

Rogue quickly follows.

"False Alarms?" Rogue asks clearly confused as they go back down the corridor of Toads. Logan enters and the Toads start in on their routine. Rogue comes up behind him, shuddering at the ghastly sight.

"This is the path of no return!" Toad1 moans doing his part quite well for a guy named after an amphibian.

"Beware! Beware!" Toad 2 shouts trying to warn our travellers.

"Just ignore 'em." Logan says paying the loud and annoying heads no mind.

"Are you sure?" Rogue asks hiding behind the much smaller Logan.

Logan sighs and turns to the next Toad.

"Abandon all hope ..." Toad3 says in a monotone.

"Oh, shut up, will ya?" Logan asks his personality shining through the Parody Zone's power.

Rogue is wide-eyed at Logan's defiance.

"But I was just getting to the best part!" Toad3 whines with a pout.

"All right. But don't expect us to pay any attention." Logan says almost boredly.

"You're going to love this ... Abandon all hope ye who enter here, for this is the road to destruction!" Toad3 says winking at Rogue.

"Very nice ..." Logan says boredly.

Rogue is dumbstruck. Logan takes her hand and yanks her along.

"Come back any time ... I mean, you're doomed, doomed!" Toad3 calls out.

* * *

"Yup doomed to an awful fanfic." Chavonnie says bouncing a ball against the wall of her cage as the turtles watch her.

"It's not that bad. You have a few good attributes to this story." Donnie says only to get a ball chucked at his head.

"I never liked you. I've always been more of a Raph fan." Chavonnie says settling into her hammock for a nap.

Donnie pouts right before we fade out for the week.


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own Labyrinth or X-Men Evolution. I do however own a gluten free chocolate cake, my self, the narrator and Von. Enjoy.**

* * *

We fade in on Chavonnie still in her cell busy dancing like no one was around to Livin' La Vida Loca.

"Hey! I thought I told you we'd start at 3!" Chavonnie yells shaking her fist at me only to be struck by lightning.

"Fine we'll start now." Chavonnie says coughing up smoke.

* * *

We see Logan and Rogue continuing down a similar corridor.

"Ya see, things aren't always what they appear to be around here, Stripes ..." Logan says.

"Whatever. All I'm interested in is getting my sister back from that creep." Rogue says with a shrug.

She starts to look around for something.

"I admire yer determination, but it takes more'n that to beat Remy." Logan says seriously.

Rogue picks up a rock.

"Well, maybe I'm beginning to get the hang of this labyrinth business." Rogue says as she takes the rock and uses it to mark an X on the floor.

* * *

"Why is it always an X? Why not a Y or a W or even a C?" Chavonnie asks her cage hovering over a vat of acid.

Let me guess. Von, right?

"Considering you know everything yes." Chavonnie says with a pout before her face lights up when a gluten-free chocolate cake filled with hazelnuts appears in her cell.

* * *

"See, now I'll know which way we came in case I get lost." Rogue says thinking she had a brilliant idea.

"Stripes, goin' back the way ya came is par fer the course around here, what ya want to do is go forward." Logan says shaking his head at Rogue.

"Look, Logan! I've got to find Laura and I don't need you to discourage me!" Rogue shouts angrily.

"And I don't need to be wastin' me time goin' around in circles with you!" Logan shouts just as angry.

"That's fine with me!" Rogue shouts as she starts off, "I know you're only after my ring, anyway!"

She turns a corner and Logan looks after her, hurt and pity crossing his face. He takes a few steps in her direction and an officious little creature, an Evan, emerges from the brickwork of the floor, takes out the cobblestone that Rogue marked, and replaces it with the marked side hidden. It looks up at Logan.

* * *

Well at least this time you didn't give him anything too demeaning.

"I know and I'll have nightmares about it for weeks." Chavonnie says muttering something about Evan fans and Jott.

* * *

"Some people got no respect for property!" Evan says with a pompous attitude.

Logan sticks his tongue out at the Evan just as it goes back into its hole.

* * *

"I have a hole Evan can climb into." Chavonnie says darkly.

CHAVONNIE!

"Relax I meant the Jott pit. What did you think I meant?" Chavonnie asks looking at me oddly.

Never mind.

* * *

The white bird flies over the maze and we see Rogue marching along. She thinks she's going forward but she's heading right for Logan. Rogue emerges into the corridor and comes face to face with Logan.

"But ..." Rogue says confused.

* * *

"What else is new?" Chavonnie asks filing her nails.

* * *

She whirls around to look behind her, then back at Logan again.

"... but you were just behind me! I'm sure of it!" Rogue says now super confused.

Logan shakes his head as she runs by him and looks down at the floor.

"My mark! It was right here!" Rogue says stomping her feet in frustration.

Logan comes up beside her.

"I told ya, Stripes. Things aren't what they appear to be around here ..." Logan says trying to calm Rogue down.

"Except when they are." Remy says in a voice over.

We now see Remy, in all his tight pant glory.

* * *

"Must not drool. Must not drool." Chavonnie repeats to herself trying to control her hormones.

* * *

Rogue and Logan whirl around and both gasp with surprise and fear.

"We meet again ... chere." Remy says being his usual suave self.

"Where's Laura?! What have you done with her!?" Rogue practically spits out.

She starts to rush toward Remy but Logan holds her back.

"Nothing ... yet." Remy says calmly as if this happened all the time.

He walks toward them and they automatically step backwards. He looks down at Logan.

"And what have we here ... Loghead, isn't it?" Remy asks almost as if he didn't know.

Logan is humiliated.

"Me name's Logan." Logan says put out.

"Ah, yes. Now Remy remember." Remy says as he moves closer to Logan, "You're the greedy little coward who lives outside the gate. Shouldn't you be back there minding your own business ... Hedgehog?"

He chucks Logan under the chin, and is quite rough about it. Logan fumes silently. Rogue doesn't like this.

* * *

"Something tells me Remy swings both ways." Chavonnie says still in control of her hormones for now.

* * *

"Why, why don't you pick on someone your own size?" Rogue asks her hands on her hips.

He looks her up and down.

"Whom did you have in mind?" Remy asks honestly curious.

Rogue tries to brazen it out.

"I don't have time for any games. I want Laura, and I want her now!" Rogue shouts sounding more confident than she felt.

Remy throws back his head and laughs.

"Ah, Laura. An adorable little imp. Remy's really growing rather fond of her." Remy says with his signature smirk.

"Where is she?!" Rogue asks fire in her eyes.

"She's in Remy's castle, and seems to be enjoying herself immensely." Remy says enjoying the way Rogue was reacting.

* * *

"Must not make joke." Chavonnie says shuddering and shaking from holding in her quips.

* * *

He ambles toward them and they can't help themselves, they both step backwards.

"In fact, she likes being with goblins so much, Remy's considering turning her into one." Remy says smiling like a cat who's been at the cream.

Rogue thinks this is crazy.

"You can't do that!" Rogue shouts ready to defend her sister.

"Oh yes I can." Remy says grinning like a jack-o-lantern.

Rogue looks down at Logan and speaks under her breath.

"Can he?" Rogue asks nervous about the answer.

Logan nods glumly.

"But let's make it interesting. I won't do it for ... thirteen hours. If you make it to the castle before then you might be able to save her. If not, well, I think little Laura will mike an adorable goblin princess, don't you?" Remy says enjoying his part immensely.

He laughs and holds up both hands and we see that they are empty. He then closes them and when he opens them again there is a gold watch in one hand. He throws it to Rogue, but Logan intercepts it and eyes it greedily. Annoyed, Rogue snatches it out of his hand. She looks at it and sees that it has 13 hours marked on it. When she looks up again, Remy is gone.

* * *

"Hey that was my watch!" Chavonnie shouts shaking her fist before sulking.

* * *

"Well, good riddance to bad rubbish!" Bobby says in a voice-over.

Rogue and Logan both jump and then look at where the voice is coming from. It is a little Bobby, poking its head out of a hole in the brickwork.

"That's what the missus always says, she does. Why the last time she found that one around here she sent him packing." Bobby says proud of his wife.

* * *

Might I ask who his wife is?

"Sure. It's Jubilee. Ah the ice sculpture and the firecracker two things you will nearly always find at a party." Chavonnie says with a sneaky grin.

* * *

"Remy?!" Rogue asks shocked that someone could stand up to him.

"She don't take to his kind of nonsense, that's for sure. Now, how about a nice cup of tea? The missus has a kettle on." Bobby says trying to be as nice as possible.

Rogue looks down at Logan, who shrugs. She then looks up at the Bobby and gives him a beaming smile. A little later Rogue and Logan are sitting on the floor.

"Do you think Remy will give Laura back if I make it on time?" Rogue asks nervous for her little sister.

"It's hard to say, Stripes. But if I were you, I'd worry 'bout first things first." Logan says confusing Rogue.

"What do you mean?" Rogue asks cocking her head to the side.

"I means ya got ta find the castle before ya can go savin' the babe and I mean ta see that ya do!" Logan says determinedly.

Rogue is thrilled and leans over and gives him a kiss on the cheek.

"Oh, Logan! Thank you, thank you so much!" Rogue says with a smile so bright it's blinding the audience.

Logan gets all flustered and tries to act gruff.

* * *

"Excuse me while I barf." Chavonnie says looking more than a little green.

I think we should end for the day. Chavonnie nods in response holding her stomach and mouth.


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't own TMNT, X-Men Evo or Labyrinth. If I did the world would be overrun by now with goblins and mutants created from the labs I would buy with the money I earned.**

* * *

We fade in on Chavonnie busy playing a video game. Her hair is a rat's nest and her eyes have enough bags under them for her to move house.

"Must prove Matt wrong." Chavonnie says like a zombie before pausing the game and falling fast asleep.

I'm not gonna ask. Let's just get back to the movie.

* * *

"Seems to me I could be gettin' that ring from ya after all if I plays me cards right." Logan says trying not the wipe his cheek.

Rogue regards him affectionately.

"I know you don't mean that. You're helping me because you're really nice." Rogue says fully under the power of the Parody Zone.

* * *

"Logan? Nice? Ha and I'm a pixie." Chavonnie says waking up to deliver a quip before falling asleep with a snore.

* * *

"I ain't nice! I just likes the way ya stood up ta him is all." Logan says trying to cover his tracks.

He is thoughtful for a moment and says almost to himself, "Too bad more've us haven't had the guts to do the same."

The Bobby reappears.

"How about a biscuit? The missus just took a fresh batch out of the oven." Bobby says being the perfect host.

* * *

"Did someone mention food that wasn't cooked by Kitty?" Chavonnie asks waking up looking for the biscuits before sleep takes her again.

* * *

"Thanks, but we really don't have any time. We've got to get to the castle." Rogue says politely.

"Ya wouldn't happen to know a shortcut, would ya?" Logan asks trying his best to be civil.

"Well, you might try taking that first left." Bobby says pointing down the corridor.

Rogue and Logan look down the corridor.

"But there isn't any left turn." Rogue says confused as always.

Just then a strange figure seems to come through the left wall and walks toward them. He is dressed in long flowing robes and wears a hat shaped like a bucket with a carving of Pietro on it. Well if it isn't old bucket head Magneto.

"See, there's a left turn right there, where that Wise One just came in." Bobby says unable to repress a shudder at calling Magneto wise.

* * *

"If he's so wise then why is he wearing a bucket?" Chavonnie asks drinking a cup of pure caffeine aka a caramel, toffee, fudge, chocolate coffee mixed latte with caffeine boost.

You have me there.

* * *

"A Wise One! Maybe he knows the best way to the castle!" Rogue says excitedly proving the power yet again of the Parody Zone.

"I wouldn't bet on it." Logan says hesitantly as the Parody Zone struggles to keep him in character.

But Rogue is excited about the possibility of getting more help.

"Excuse me, Sir. Could you tell us the best way to get to the castle?" Rogue asks as respectfully as possible.

* * *

"Uhhhhh." Chavonnie says gripping her stomach a bright green.

Let me guess too much candy?

"No worse. Rogue called Bucket Head sir." Chavonnie says before barfing outside her cell directly onto Mikey who was guarding her.

"Not cool dude." Mikey says wiping the gunk off and storming off.

"Man am I lucky I didn't hit Raph." Chavonnie says before turning green again and repeating her actions.

* * *

"The best way to the castle, hmmm. I'm glad you asked that question." Magneto says sounding really lost.

To Rogue's and Logan's surprise, the hat joins into the conversation.

"Now you've done it, gone and asked him a question. We'll be here all day!" Pietro shouts obviously annoyed.

* * *

I would have thought you would have put him in a more humiliating or torturous part.

"This qualifies as torture. Listening to Magneto drone on and on and on is enough to make anyone decide to jump ship." Chavonnie says with her signature evil laugh before barfing again hitting Mikey who had just come back from his shower.

"DUDE! I just showered!" Mikey yells before storming off again leaving a dry heaving Chavonnie alone.

* * *

"A castle, or fortress, or as it is sometimes known, a stronghold or citadel - or, that which has a turret and barbican, but usually not a portcullis ..." Magneto says starting to drone on sending a few viewers to sleep.

"What did I tell you? There's no stopping him now." Pietro says sounding thoroughly tortured.

* * *

"Told you it was torture." Chavonnie says in between heaves.

* * *

"... often there is a rampart or bulwark, and then a parapet- perchance an actual vallum or counterscarp ..." Magneto says sounding like that one teacher who bores you out of you mind.

"Shut up down there!" Pietro shouts wishing he could make the blathering idiot shut up.

"... and for entrenchment; a moat, drawbridge and sally-port..." Magneto says sending the rest of the audience to sleep.

Rogue looks at Logan.

"This was not one of my better ideas." Rogue says sounding as sleepy as Chavonnie felt.

"Well, I told you that, didn't I? But nobody ever listens to me!" Pietro shouts tired of not being listened to.

He looks down at the still mumbling Magneto. Someone please put a sock in him.

* * *

"I would but I don't think I should move right now." Chavonnie says with a groan as she sits in her cage trying not to dry heave.

* * *

"Enough! Nobody cares!" Pietro shouts ready to abandon ship.

Magneto blinks and looks at Rogue and Logan.

"Did one of you say something?" Magneto asks still in that monotone that Chavonnie is recording for when she gets insomnia.

Rogue thinks quickly.

* * *

"That's a first." Chavonnie says breaking out in green spots.

Maybe we should call a doctor or Donnie.

"No I'm fine. See my stomach doesn't even hurt anymore." Chavonnie says apparently unaware of her spots.

* * *

"Oh, no. We never talk to strangers." Rogue says getting out of another lecture.

"That's very wise. An idea worth savouring." Magneto says nodding his head.

Logan nudges him.

* * *

"I'll get the disinfectant." Chavonnie says momentarily forgetting she was locked up like a rabid dog.

You may also want to see Donnie about those spots.

"I'm fine." Chavonnie says waving her hand that was covered in spots that were slowly turning purple.

* * *

"Yeah, but keep it under your hat!" Logan says with a sly smirk.

Logan and the audience think this is hilarious. Pietro doesn't.

"Ve-ry funny!" Pietro says his tone filled with sarcasm.

Magneto continues on his way.

"The stranger, hmm. I'm glad you brought that up. The stranger; one not indigenous, also known as the alien, or one from beyond the sea ..." Magneto says launching into another lecture.

"I quit! I can't take it anymore!" Pietro shouts hysterical as he tries to find a way out of his torture.

* * *

"Can I make tortures or can I make tortures?" Chavonnie asks with a giant smirk before gripping her stomach and mouth again.

I'm not even gonna bother suggesting.

* * *

And then they are gone, passing through the right hand wall as if it wasn't there. Rogue watches after them, stunned.

"How did he do that?!" Rogue asks wanting to do it herself.

"And how can we make sure he doesn't come back?" Logan asks looking as if he wanted to skewer the man.

Rogue gives him a look and turns to the Bobby.

"Just go over to that bit of wall there and walk right through it. The important thing is to forget what you think you know. It doesn't apply around here." Bobby says as if this were common knowledge.

Rogue and Logan walk down to the part of the wall where Magneto entered. Once there, they can see that a section of the wall is actually a passageway-width behind the rest of the wall. Rogue yells back to the Bobby.

"Thank you! And tell the missus we're sorry we missed her biscuits!" Rogue yells waving good bye.

And then they walk through the wall and are gone.

* * *

"Good. Now if you'll excuse me I need to see Donnie. I knew that cup of caffeine was a bad idea especially after all that chocolate and pixie sticks." Chavonnie says gripping her stomach like it was about to come up and scratching at the dots like no tomorrow.

While Chavonnie finally gets medical attention let's get back to the action with Rogue and Logan.

* * *

Rogue and Logan appear through the wall and Rogue laughs with delight. Logan wasn't as pleased with the experience and feels the wall as if testing to see if it really happened. Rogue sees that they are in a corridor where the walls are crumbling and she climbs up to the top of one and looks over. We see in Rogue's POV the turrets of the castle.

"I can see the castle! It doesn't look far at all!" Rogue says excited with a grin that's hard to look at.

Logan is still feeling around the wall, trying to figure out how they got there. Rogue jumps down and starts to run down the corridor.

"Come on, Logan. Let's go!" Rogue shouts before she gets out of range.

LOGAN sees her retreating figure and hurries after her.

* * *

Now let's see what Remy's up to.

"Yeah let's. YOWWWWWWW!" Chavonnie screams as Donnie gives her an injection to treat whatever it is she has.

* * *

In Remy's great hall, he stands by a window and looks out over the labyrinth from this vantage point he can see clear across it: the hovels that surround the castle walls, the arid plain that leads to the dense forest, encircling that, the complex maze. He seems lost in thought. The white bird enters the window and lands on his shoulder. Behind him Laura is having a grand time. Her slippery crawl is too much for the goblins (X-Men and Humans) that scurry about, trying to mind her.

Meanwhile, a particularly stupid looking goblin begins to approach Remy. Oh wait that's just Blob. He saunters across the room and is stopped short by a female goblin in bright trashy clothes. Oh Tabby how you have let yourself go. She grabs hold of his shirt and hisses a warning.

"Remember! It's bow and scrape ... bow and scrape ..." Tabby hisses making everyone cover their ears in pain.

Blob nods and she lets him go. He then continues his approach to Remy, only this time he does a little bow and then scrapes his foot across the floor, then repeats the action.

* * *

Ah there's the total humiliation and suffering Chavonnie's known for.

"Hey! I can be nice!" Chavonnie shouts in a somewhat loopy daze.

To the characters?

"Okay I can be civil but that's all they're gonna get from me." Chavonnie says crossing her arms over her chest as Donnie checks to make sure she was okay or at least not going to murder his family for giving her an injection.

"Please if I murdered every person who's put a needle in me I'd run out of doctors." Chavonnie says before falling into a deep sleep.

* * *

"Bow 'n scrape ... bow 'n scrape ..." Blob says to himself letting his stupidity shine through.

Remy turns and sees Blob.

"Well, what is it?" Remy asks obviously impatient.

Blob can't answer and do his bow-and-scrape at the same time so continues his painfully slow approach.

"... bow 'n scrape ... bow 'n scrape ..." Blob says being as dumb as a brick.

* * *

"Ha that's an insult to bricks." Donnie says packing up his supplies.

If Chavonnie didn't take that quiz that says she's most like you I'd be worried. Correction I'm very much worried.

* * *

Annoyed, Remy walks over to Blob and lifts him up by his shirt front. Blob is still bowing.

"I said, what is it?!" Remy yells making Raph's temper look like a dormant volcano.

"Th ... the girl and Logan, sire. Th ... they're halfway th ... through th ... the maze." Blob manages to stutter out completely afraid for his life.

* * *

"He's in a Chavonnie26 parody. He's only afraid now?" Von asks helping Mikey get vomit out his shell.

* * *

Remy drops Blob hard on the floor. Laura sees this and laughs with delight.

* * *

"And there's your proof she's related to old Wolvie." Von says to her fellow commentators as she slips Chavonnie some new clothes.

* * *

Remy walks over and scoops the baby up in his arms. He then carries her over to the window. He calls over to an armed goblin by the door. Oh wait sorry that's just Scott. No threat.

"I think it's time they had some company." Remy says and I'm not sure where to take that one.

"Yes, Sir!" Scott shouts like a good little solider.

He then salutes, causing his visor to close on his face, then stumbles around looking for the door. Remy shakes his head.

"You'll make a much better goblin than that, won't you, Laura!" Remy says in that special tone we save for small animals and babies.

* * *

"A rock could be a better goblin than Scott." Von says as she reinforces the Jott pit.

* * *

Laura's response is to clap her sticky baby's hand on to Remy's face. Remy, pretending he doesn't mind, carefully removes it. He then looks down to the courtyard below. We see outside the castle in Remy's POV. armed goblins are pouring out of the castle.

* * *

Now back to Rogue and Logan. Don't you just love awkward scene jumps? Chavonnie snores in response.

* * *

Rogue and Logan are striding down a corridor. They are about to come to a corner.

"Are you sure Remy can turn Laura into a goblin? I mean, that's really weird ..." Rogue asks praying that Remy couldn't.

They turn the corner and Logan stops short. Rogue becomes alarmed.

"What is it?" Rogue asks praying it wasn't more goblins.

Logan gestures for her to be quiet and then we can hear what he hears - marching. They look back the way they came. We see through Rogue's and Logan's POV a battalion of armed goblins, marching right towards them!

* * *

"Must create army of goblins to take over world." Chavonnie mutters in her sleep.

* * *

They look at each other, then turn and run. Logan tries to get through the wall the way the Bobby showed them.

"Just forget what you think you know and ..." Logan says quoting the Bobby.

He smacks headlong into the wall. He stops to rub his nose and Rogue flies by him.

"Come on!" Rogue shouts getting a lead on the goblins.

* * *

"And back to Remy." Chavonnie says still covered in spots but feeling much better and finally awake.

* * *

Laura is now sitting on the lap of a goblin played by Evan, happily bopping him on the nose.

* * *

Ah there's the torturous and humiliating role I predicted for old Spyke.

"It was overdue." Chavonnie says with a giant grin as she plays the scene over and over and over again.

* * *

Remy snaps his fingers and a group of sleepy musicians who look like goblin versions of Bowling for Soup in the corner stumble over themselves to pick up their instruments. They begin to play and Remy looks out the window and begins a song. He sings about the labyrinth; what it is - his domain, and what it is to others - a test, a proving-ground, not for the faint of heart.

* * *

"Time for the montage!" Chavonnie says getting out a CD player and giving a thumbs up to Remy's voice over artist.

What? Did you honestly think we'd let a Cajun sing?

"No thank you. We like our eardrums." Chavonnie says shuddering at the thought of Remy's singing voice.

* * *

While Remy 'sings', Rogue and Logan try to escape from the goblins. They get a lead on them for a while and come to another corridor with crumbling walls. They scamper up to get a look at their position and see dust rising from several parts of the maze. The goblins are everywhere. In another corridor, they are stopped in their tracks by dozens of little fuzzy creatures (Pyro, Wanda, Kitty and Rahne clones) who scurry towards them out of the way of the oncoming goblins. They turn and run back the way they came and as they do wall creatures chatter nervously and then disappear into the cracks between the bricks.

In a corridor with very short walls they are able to see the tips of spears on either side of them, going in the opposite direction. They enter a corridor with several arches curving over it, forming small, intermittent bridges. Thinking they are safe, they stop for a breath, and soon realize that a battalion is right behind them. They scurry up the walls, and as the song comes to an end, they each lie across an arch hopefully out of sight of the goblins below.

Rogue and Logan huddle above the corridor on their arches as two goblins bring up the rear. Oh look it's Jean without her make-up and Scott without his.

* * *

"AHHHHHH KEEP THOSE THINGS AWAY FROM ME!" Chavonnie shouts hiding away from the two hideous beings.

* * *

"I can kill better than you can." Jean says being the perfect recruit for Chavonnie's goblin army.

"But I'm better at maiming. Everybody says so." Scott says proudly unaware of what was in store for him and Jean at the end of the fic.

And they are gone. Shaken, Rogue and Logan slide down from their hiding places.

"Do you think they're gone?" Rogue asks keeping her voice down in case they weren't.

"Sure they are. Goblins ain't known fer their intelligence, ya know. They has as much trouble findin' their way through the maze as you do." Logan says as he folds his arms and leans against the wall.

"I'm not sure, but I think you just called me stupid ..." Rogue says almost knowing she was being insulted.

* * *

"If the shoe fits." Chavonnie says with a shrug.

* * *

Suddenly Logan yells and disappears. He has accidentally leaned on another secret wall opening. Rogue quickly follows.

* * *

"Geez lost puppy much?" Chavonnie asks rolling her eyes.

Says the mad dog locked in the cage.

"Haha. Let's just end for the day." Chavonnie says crossing her arms over her chest.

"I'm Chavonnie26 and I parody it so you don't have to." Chavonnie says with a big smile before scratching her spots like there was no tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't own TMNT, X-Men Evolution or Labyrinth. If I did I would be relaxing in Hawii right now and not stuck in 33C weather with no ocean in sight.**

* * *

"Hello I'm Chavonnie26 and welcome to another instalment of X-Labyrinth." Chavonnie says in her cage dressed in a white t-shirt, a black blazer, purple tie, blue jeans, brown boots and a brown cap.

Seriously? You're going down the obsessed route?

"What? He's a good role model." Chavonne says adjusting her glasses.

He has a mouth a sailor would be ashamed of.

"He does not! He can be very rational, calm and funny!" Chavonnie shouts as her hands glow a dangerous red.

Yeah when he's not drunk and screaming like a banshee.

"You take that back!" Chavonnie shouts her eyes glowing red.

Make me. OWWWWW! Did you have to hit me with lightning and explosives?

"You insulted the great Nostalgia Critic therefore I have to hurt you." Chavonnie says before pressing play on the remote for the movie.

* * *

Logan and Rogue are now in the long circular corridor that divides the maze from the beginning of the second ring of the labyrinth - the Garden Maze.

"I think I know where we are!" Logan says excited to be in familiar territory.

* * *

"Logan? Excited? What has this movie been smoking?" Chavonnie asks with a bottle of who knows what in her hand.

The audience could ask you the same thing. Chavonnie sticks her tongue out at me before getting back to the movie.

* * *

"That'll be a nice change." Rogue says brushing off the dirt from her dress.

He ignores her and looks around excitedly.

"This place is the end o' the maze! That means we're near the entrance ta the second ring o' the labyrinth." Logan says with a giant smile.

* * *

"Jiminy Christmas this is stretching everyone's suspension of disbelief." Chavonnie says completely shocked at the movie's guts.

Trust me it gets weirder.

"Oh dear Lorde how much stranger can it get?" Chavonnie asks as ominous music plays in the background.

* * *

"The second ring? What's that?" Rogue asks a little freaked out at Logan's sudden change.

Logan starts down the corridor.

"The Garden Maze!" Logan says happily as everyone wonders what he's been smoking.

"Sounds like a great place ... what's it like?" Rogue asks gloomily.

"Don't know, I ain't never made it this far before." Logan says with a big smile.

He is skipping happily down the corridor when Rogue hears something. It is a strange clanking sound.

* * *

"Oh sure the clanking sound is strange yet Logan acting like he's higher than the Empire State Building is totally normal." Chavonnie says sarcastically.

* * *

"Logan! What's that sound?!" Rogue asks frightened but of the sound or Logan's behaviour we'll never know.

Logan stops skipping and sighs.

"Now don't go gettin' all girly on me, Stripes, now that we's finally safe ..." Logan says annoyance seeping into his tone.

"So you think we're safe, do you?" Rogue asks her voice trembling in fear.

"Didn't I just say so?!" Logan asks fully annoyed.

"Then tell me what you think of that." Rogue says as she points behind them where the clanking noise is coming from.

It is now much louder. Logan comes over to her and takes a better look. He screams. In another angle from their POV a slashing machine is coming right towards them. (A slashing wall is made up of rows of furiously spinning knives, and chopping cleavers, and has brushes along the bottom to clean up whatever it encounters in its path.) And there is no way around it because it completely fills the corridor.

* * *

"Okay who said they could use my execution machine for a prop. I mean what on Earth is that thing?" Chavonnie asks trying to cover her slip of the tongue.

Nice try.

"Hey you try surviving a week with little to no sleep and a stomach bug!" Chavonnie shouts with a scowl.

* * *

Logan desperately tries to walk through the wall the way they came in, but it is to no avail. He just keeps smashing his face. Rogue starts to run for it.

"Come on!" Rogue shouts terrified for her life.

* * *

"She's only afraid now? Man she's either really dumb or really suicidal. Either way this is way too fun." Chavonnie says with a grin.

* * *

Logan follows, every so often trying, and failing, to get through the wall.

* * *

"Like I said this is fun." Chavonnie says with an evil laugh.

* * *

Rogue, who is far ahead of Logan, comes to a door! And hanging on a hook next to it is a bunch of keys. She looks back at Logan.

"Logan, hurry!" Rogue shouts grabbing the keys.

* * *

Something tells me this won't be easy for them.

"This is a parody by me. When are things ever easy?" Chavonnie asks with an evil grin.

* * *

In Rogue's POV Logan is running toward her, and making slow but steady progress toward them both - the slashing machine.

* * *

"I knew it was a good idea to buy that thing on sale. Jafar makes such great torture machines." Chavonnie says with a big giant grin.

* * *

Rogue fumbles with the keys, furiously trying key after key in the door but to no avail. She is terrified.

"None of the keys work!" Rogue shouts trembling.

* * *

"I know." Chavonnie says twirling a key on a key ring around her finger.

* * *

Desperate, she starts banging on the door. Logan is just a few yards away from her.

"Why don't you just try it?" Logan asks still trying to get out through the wall.

He then tries once more to walk through the wall. Rogue tries the knob and sure enough, it opens. She is delighted. What she doesn't see is Logan suddenly disappearing through the floor.

"It's open! Log ..." Rogue says happily.

She turns around and he is gone! And the slashing machine is just a few yards away! She screams and, in her terror, falls backwards through the door. It slams shut just as the slashing machine reaches it we can see that four goblins in sanitation workers' uniforms who look a lot like the Morlocks have been pushing the machine all along. They grunt and strain, cranking the wheels that turn the knives and pushing all at the same time.

* * *

"Ah sewer dwellers the perfect employees. They don't ask for breaks, don't take days off and always dread going home." Chavonnie says designing a castle that looks suspiciously like the one from the labyrinth.

* * *

Rogue emerges into a large room. The walls are covered with large paintings in ornate gilt frames. She is a bit stunned by the close call with the slashing machine as she approaches the first painting.

"What in the world ..." Rogue asks herself.

She stops short in front of the first painting and cannot believe her eyes. It is a painting of the watch with 13 hours on it. The hour hand is on the 9. Rogue fumbles into her pocket and finds the watch that Remy gave her. It also has the hour hand on the 9.

"Only 9 hours left!" Rogue shouts the reality of the situation finally sinking in.

The next picture is of a baby surrounded by gruesome goblins. On closer inspection, the baby is obviously Laura. She chokes back a sob and runs over to the next one, it is a picture of a rotunda with staircases going off in all different directions on different planes of gravity. It is an Escher room, and a closer look shows a goblin happily standing on the ceiling. She shakes her head and goes by the next painting and gasps involuntarily. It is a compelling portrait of Remy, and she moves even closer. Then she shakes herself out of it.

* * *

"Awesome paintings huh? Took me and Piotr hours to do them but I have to say it was worth it." Chavonnie says her hat traded for a French beret as she paints a portrait of Donnie and her dancing in a fairy tale like ball.

Chavonnie then hides the painting with a blush as Donnie walks past.

"H-h-h-h-hey Donnie." Chavonnie says being uncharacteristically nervous.

"Hey Vonnie brought you your lunch." Donnie says handing Chavonnie a plate that had a cheese burger, some chips and a soda on it.

"T-t-t-thanks." Chavonnie says blushing a bright red as their hands touched.

Donnie just nods and leaves sporting a similar blush.

"Where was I?" Chavonnie asks trying to mask her blush.

Someone has a crush.

"I do not!" Chavonnie shouts her blush deepening.

You do so. Ooo I can't wait to plan your first date. Which do you prefer a candle lit dinner or a trip to the movies then a walk in the park?

"One Donnie's a mutant so the walk in the park and trip to the movies are a no go and two since when are you so interested in my love life?" Chavonnie asks raising an eyebrow as she gets back to painting.

Eh there's nothing good on TV and the movie is starting to get too weird.

"Eh if it gets me a boyfriend I'm fine with it." Chavonnie says with a shrug.

* * *

From the portrait's POV Rogue wills herself away and moves on, and we hear the sound of Remy's breathing.

* * *

"Anyone else getting a stalker vibe coming from Remy?" Chavonnie asks adding more detail to her painting making it look like a scene from Beauty and The Beast.

* * *

Rogue is nervous and eagerly looks for a way out. She rushes by another painting, giving it merely a glance. But something makes her go back for a better look. It is of a lovely, manicured hedge maze. In the distance we can see the turrets of Remy's castle. And in the sky nearby flies a beautiful white bird. And then Rogue is amazed by what she sees. A closer look at the painting reveals that the white bird is flying! It moves over the hedges and we see a figure waving.

"Logan!" Rogue shouts recognising the dwarf anywhere.

Rogue, disturbed, backs away from the painting. And then, because it really is as wonderful as it is scary, she goes back for another look and over her shoulder we can see logan waving and we hear his tiny voice.

"Stripes! Over here! This is the way to the castle!" Logan shouts his voice sounding as if he were on helium.

And Rogue strains to hear, and leans toward the painting, stretching her hand out and touching the painting, which makes it turn into a shimmering wall that her hand goes right through. And then she disappears right through the painting.

* * *

"I knew it was a bad idea to use that reject paint I found in Disney's dumpsters." Chavonnie says shaking her head at her stupidity.

* * *

And Remy's portrait is now blank.

* * *

"Okay I have no clue how that one happened." Chavonnie says now painting a portrait of Von and Mikey on a date.

* * *

Rogue rushes up to Logan and throws her arms around him.

"What happened to you? I was afraid I'd never see you again!" Rogue says fear very apparent in her voice.

"Ya know that trick with the wall? Damn, if it don't work with the floor, as well!" Logan says happy to be alive.

Rogue laughs and hugs him again.

* * *

"Why do I get the feeling the X-Men are going to hunt me down for that?" Chavonnie asks painting Mikey's bandana.

* * *

Rogue and Logan have been walking through the maze a long time. They are tired and bedraggled. Rogue pulls the watch out of her pocket and sighs.

"An hour's gone by and I don't think we're more than four feet from where we started." Rogue whines like a little kid.

"That's 'cause ya won't do what I tells ya. It's clear as day we should be goin' this way ..." Logan says as he turns a corner and walks smack into a hedge dead end.

He howls in pain and Rogue sighs and follows him.

* * *

"And view my favourite game. Watch Logan be wrong. It's right up there with Watch Von and Mickey Pretend Not To Be Interested In Each Other." Chavonnie says ducking a nunchuck and a blast of pink energy as she continues painting.

* * *

We now see Logan disentangling himself from the hedge.

"Got any more suggestions?" Rogue asks with a smirk that says 'I told you so'.

Before Logan can answer they are interrupted by a terrible gut-wrenching scream. It is positively unearthly.

* * *

"Eh I've heard worse. You should have heard Raph's scream when I put that cockroach in his shell. Hahahahaha. That was positively hilarious. Hahahahahaha." Chavonnie laughs as she ducks a sai heading her way.

"Or when I filled Casey's apartment with rats now that was a good one." Chavonnie says laughing even harder managing to avoid a hockey puck coming her way.

Why do I get the feeling your tombstone will say 'Died by playing a prank on the wrong person'?

"Probably cause it will. Either that or 'Died the way she lived. As mad as a hatter'." Chavonnie says with a shrug starting to paint the concept art for her next fanfic.

* * *

Rogue whirls around.

"It sounds like it came from over there!" Rogue says pointing towards where the sound came from.

Logan points in the opposite direction.

"Then let's go this way." Logan says sounding as if he really wanted to run away.

Rogue frowns at him as the scream begins again.

"Logan! It sounds like someone's being hurt!" Rogue says disappointed in Logan.

"Exactly why we should be headin' in the othermost direction!" Logan says actually having a good idea.

Rogue shakes her head in disgust and runs off as the screams become more unbearable.

* * *

"Man you guys are a bunch of sissies." Chavonnie says as her cage is lowered a little towards the acid keeping her from escaping.

* * *

Rogue, running through the hedge maze. Driven by the sound of the screams, she has an unconscious ability to find her way through. Logan, trying to keep up with her, keeps running into dead ends.

* * *

"I know I'm evil. It's just one of the things you learn to love about me." Chavonnie says with a big grin.

* * *

Rogue emerging from the maze. She is stopped in her tracks by what she sees and quickly covers her mouth to prevent herself from screaming. Logan emerges a moment later, barely pauses before he heads right back into the maze.

* * *

"And we'll end it for the week right there. Mainly due to the fact I need a nap or else I'm gonna fall asleep during my Afrikaans test. I'm Chavonnie26 and I parody it so you don't have to." Chavonnie says before falling asleep with a loud snore.


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't own TMNT, X-Men Evolution or Labyrinth. If I did I would be insanely rich by now and the world would be over run by my real life teenage mutant ninja turtles that I would create in one of the many labs I would own. I do however own myself, my split personality and my clone.**

* * *

"Look I don't care if it costs more than 1 million dollars my castle will be better than Remy's. Now either you get your flying butts in gear or else I will feed you to the manticore." Chavonnie says into her phone before hanging up and rubbing her eyes tiredly.

Let me guess. Updating your castle?

"Yes. I knew I shouldn't have hired the Flying Monkeys. Sure they came highly recommended from my cousin but I swear I really want to turn them into a bunch of purses." Chavonnie says sounding really tired and actually sane for once.

"Look I can be sane in fact I often prefer to be sane but the audience expect me to be insane." Chavonnie says trading her hero worship outfit for a simple pair of jeans, purple t-shirt and white sneakers.

So you're saying that you weren't going to mutate the entire population of New York?

"Heck no! Who would be stupid enough to do that? Besides I was just acting to give you guys a run for your money. I was actually heading down to Donnie's lab. I heard he was running low on mutagen to test so I wanted to bring him some more. I'm no villain." Chavonnie says cleaning her glasses and putting her hair in a ponytail.

Really? But your laugh…

"I know it's not exactly the most innocent of laughs in fact I down right hate it since people get the wrong idea when they hear it but at least it's better than those high pitch giggles." Chavonnie says turning bright red in embarrassment.

Well I must say I'm sorry for putting you in this cage. The cage door swings open and Chavonnie teleports out with a smile.

"Now if you'll excuse me I have to get to work on my castle." Chavonnie says disappearing in a puff of purple smoke.

"Oh wait before I forget." Chavonnie says reappearing with a perfect clone then disappearing again leaving the clone behind to obviously take her place.

* * *

Four goblins that look like Jean and Scott are torturing a huge creature (Piotr) that they have hung by his ankle from a tree limb. They have also taken pains to bind the creature, who it is obvious could take on most of them and win in a fairer fight. He is about nine feet tall, powerfully built, made of organic steel and his screams of frustrated agony are truly unbearable. The goblins have devised a unique method of harassing him. They all carry long sticks which have small, fierce, biting creatures on the end of them. The goblins bat their sticks at Piotr, who bellows and tries to swat back. Since he is tied, the nippers are free to bite him whenever they get near.

We now see Rogue, distraught, peeking out from behind a hedge.

"The poor thing!" Rogue says feeling sorry for the poor Colossus.

Logan peeks out from behind Rogue and then quickly ducks back. Rogue looks for a way to stop the torture. She picks up a rock and carefully aims it at the nearest goblin. It hits his head and knocks his helmet visor over his eyes. Blinded, the goblin lurches around, swinging his nipper stick at the other three.

"Hey! Who turned out the lights?" The blinded Scott goblin asks trying to find his way around.

The other goblins see a new target and poke their nipper sticks towards him. He takes off and runs blindly into the hedge maze. The other three chase him, carrying the nipper sticks upright so that we can see their progress in the background.

We now see Rogue trying desperately to untie the huge knot that holds Piotr suspended upside down. She can't undo it and yells for Logan.

"Get out here, you coward!" Rogue shouts causing everyone's jaws to drop at her stupidity.

Logan appears from behind his hedge. He hesitates, then pulls a dagger from his belt and joins Rogue. He cuts through the rope in one hack, and Piotr falls to the ground with a thud.

* * *

"Yow that has to hurt." Chavonnie2.0 says wincing at Piotr's pain.

* * *

The nipper sticks start yammering away as they see Rogue and Logan freeing Piotr over the top of the hedge. The goblin chase stops and they head back to the clearing. Logan dives for the bushes but a determined Rogue stays and pulls off the ropes. When Piotr is free, he picks up a huge log. As the four goblins come roaring back into the clearing, Piotr waves the log over his head. The goblin charge immediately shifts into a goblin retreat, the nipper sticks yipping in fear.

* * *

"Okay note to self don't use goblins in battle. Instead use Raph clones." Chavonnie2.0 says her eyes wide.

* * *

Piotr puts down the log and sits, his big head hanging down. He takes one hand and wipes away a tear.

"Piotr ... hurt." Piotr says sounding more like the Hulk than anyone else.

Rogue's heart breaks. This thing is the ultimate action figure.

* * *

"True which reminds me I have to get him to help the original to move castles." Chavonnie2.0 says thoughtfully as her hair seems to shift until it's a shoulder length bob with a red streak on the left side of her face.

Five bucks says she and Raph get together.

"You're on." Von says her hair in the same cut with an orange streak instead of red.

* * *

"Is that your name? Piotr?" Rogue asks trying to comfort him.

He nods and wipes away another tear.

"Goblins ... mean to Piotr." Piotr says as the Parody Zone shudders at having to repress his intelligence so much.

"Oh, I know! They were terribly mean to you." Rogue says as she moves closer and pats his arm, "But it's all right now."

Piotr sniffs and then breaks into the most endearing big dumb smile you have ever seen.

* * *

"Eh I've seen dumber. You should see Von and Mikey's smiles when they're on a date." Chavonnie2.0 or Vonnie says filing her nails.

"HEY!" Mikey and Von protest before glancing at each other and blushing.

"Oh great they're that couple." Vonnie says rolling her eyes her outfit changing to a red mini-dress and black heels.

* * *

"Friend!" Piotr says stupidly.

Why do I get the feeling I'll be using that word a lot?

"That's right, Piotr! I'm your friend. I'm Rogue." Rogue says beaming at Piotr

"Rogue ... friend!" Piotr says trusting her immediately.

Logan has come out from hiding during this exchange. He finds the whole scene a bit nauseating.

* * *

"Like most of the audience no doubt." Vonnie says chewing on some bubble gum as Chavonnie flashes in to grab some cash before flashing out again.

* * *

And an unnecessary nuisance. If there's one thing he doesn't want, it's competition for Rogue.

* * *

"Excuse us while we barf." Everyone says before barfing into the nearest trash can or toilet.

Think about how I feel. I have to write this. I sooooooo need a shower after this chapter.

* * *

"I think I'm about ta be sick." Logan says glaring at Piotr.

* * *

"You and the rest of the cast." Vonnie says pausing in her vomiting.

* * *

They ignore him and Piotr grins for all he's worth as Rogue beams up at him. Logan pulls her over to one side.

"I hope yer not thinkin' o' lettin' the beast traipse along, Stripes. He'll just slow us up." Logan says wanting to get rid of Piotr as soon as possible.

"Are you kidding?! He'll be a great help! The goblins are scared of him because he's so fierce ..." Rogue says determined not to lose her new friend.

Just then Piotr shyly offers Rogue a flower that he has just picked for her. She takes it and smiles at him.

* * *

"Sure he's fierce. Almost as fierce as a teddy bear." Vonnie says as Chavonnie pops back in to grab Donnie before disappearing.

* * *

"I sees what ya mean." Logan says sarcastically.

Rogue shrugs and gives Piotr a pat. Logan sighs with frustration.

"I just thinks we was doin' fine on our own." Logan says his jealous side coming through.

"And we can do even better with Piotr." Rogue says before she turns to Piotr, "You want to help me save my baby sister, don't you, Piotr?"

"Save ... baby. Good!" Piotr says still in that stupid voice.

Rogue nods with satisfaction and strides into the hedge maze. Piotr right behind her. Logan follows, clearly unhappy.

* * *

"Somebody's jealous." Vonnie says in a mocking tone with a smirk on her face before running to the bathroom of her cell and throwing up.

* * *

Rogue, Logan and Piotr come out of the hedge maze and see a wall with two Rogue-sized doors in it.

"This is it, the entrance ta the Forbidden Forest. All we gotta do is pick a door ..." Logan says still sulking.

"What difference does it make? Let's just go!" Rogue says ready to dive right in.

Piotr quickly steps between Rogue and the doors.

"One door ... good. One door ... bad." Piotr tries to warn.

"Well, that's great news." Logan says and then says to Piotr, "Don't suppose ya know which is which?"

Rogue skirts around Piotr and goes up to the doors for a closer look at them.

"One door ... good. One door ..." Piotr says putting all his effort into think.

"All right, ya walkin' mountain! Ya made ya point." Logan says already losing his short temper.

* * *

"And you've made yours you nasty little man. Thanks so much for ridding us of our lunches." Vonnie says shuddering at the thought of a Rogue and Logan pairing.

* * *

Rogue ignores the bickering behind her and examines the doors. Each one has a door knocker on it. Both knockers are carved into the faces of Roberto and Ray, except Ray has the ring going through his ears and Roberto has his stuck in his mouth.

* * *

"It was the only way to shut them up. Well that or neuter them but I went with the more entertaining option. Plus Chavonnie said no castrating the cast." Vonnie says grinning sadistically.

Either that or grinning like Raph. It's hard to tell the two apart.

* * *

"I guess once you choose a door ... all you have to do is knock." Rogue says speaking to herself.

Ray speaks.

"Are you talking to me?" Ray asks clearly confused.

Rogue jumps back, stunned.

"You can talk!" Rogue shouts clearly surprised.

* * *

"Yeah. It's getting them to shut up that's the trick." Vonnie says still chewing on her gum.

* * *

"What? What? You'll have to speak up!" Ray shouts getting everyone with sensitive hearing to cringe.

"mmffn ... grnth ... sminvl ..." Roberto mumbles as everyone scratches their heads to figure out what he said.

Rogue turns to Roberto.

"You too!" Rogue says very surprised.

"... gmft ... bmble ..." Roberto says trying to communicate.

Rogue shakes her head in amazement.

* * *

"What would be amazing would be if they would shut up for a few minutes." Vonnie mutters under her breath.

* * *

The boys, and I use the term loosely, are still at it.

"If yer so smart why not show us another way inta the forest?" Logan asks really wanting Piotr to go away.

"Piotr ... not ... know." Piotr says almost ashamed of himself.

"That figures, don't it?" Logan says as he turns his back on Piotr, fuming, "Why Stripes wants an overgrown hill o' metal fer a friend is beyond me."

* * *

"And how you think you have a chance with her is beyond me." Vonnie says twirling a sai in one of her hands.

* * *

Piotr tries to make Logan feel better and pats him on the shoulder. Logan shakes his hand off with a growl.

* * *

"Man I haven't seen anyone this unsocial since Chavonnie's last school dance. She was growling and snapping at everyone and even managed to take off one guy's hand at that was just her getting ready." Vonnie says getting zapped by some lightning.

"Touchy." Vonnie says brushing off the soot.

* * *

ogue is excited.

"I love it! Talking doors!" Rogue says happily before asking Ray, "Are you the right door to the forest?"

"Don't ask me. For some reason I can't hear anything." Ray says obviously annoyed.

Rogue turns to Ray.

"No use asking him, either. All he does is mumble." Ray says obviously not bothered by his deafness.

Roberto gets very excited.

"thgt ... vrnf ... lcl ..." Roberto mumbles excitedly.

"I get it! You can't talk with that ring in your mouth!" Rogue shouts getting it on the first try.

* * *

"Here I was afraid her pea brain would overload." Vonnie says cleaning her nails out with her sai.

* * *

She removes the ring and looks at Roberto triumphantly.

"Now, tell me which one of you is the right door to the forest." Rogue says basking in the glow of her success.

"Oh, I am. No question about it." Roberto says with a smug grin.

"Great! How do we get you to open up?" Rogue asks glad to finally to have a break.

"Just knock." Roberto says as if he were talking to a little kid.

"Of course, why didn't I think of that?" Rogue asks herself.

* * *

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Vonnie asks with a raised eyebrow.

* * *

She tries to get the ring back in Roberto's mouth.

"Oh no you don't! I've had enough of that awful thing, thanks!" Roberto says avoiding getting the ring in his mouth.

"But how are we supposed to get through this door if you won't let me knock on it?" Rogue asks her temper already fraying.

"Well, I really can't say, can I?" Roberto says smugly.

Rogue throws up her hands in disgust.

"Speak up! I can't hear anything!" Ray yells apparently finally annoyed with his situation.

* * *

"I wish I were that lucky." Vonnie says as Chavonnie reappears in the room with her hair in a style similar to hers except her streak was purple.

"Same here." Chavonnie says disappearing again with her arms loaded with paper.

* * *

Logan and Piotr are still at it.

"Ya know ... even if she does get the door open, ya won't be able ta fit through. Why not make it easy on us all and take a hike?" Logan says conspiratorially.

"Piotr ... Stay!" Piotr says stubbornly.

"Yer quite the speechifier, ain't ya?" Logan asks in disgust.

* * *

"I shudder at the grammar and spelling." Vonnie says literally shuddering at the grammar.

* * *

Rogue suddenly gives Roberto an evil grin.

"Are you sure there isn't anything I can do to change your mind?" Rogue asks sneakily.

"No way! My lips are sealed!" Roberto says stubbornly.

"That's what I thought!" Rogue says deviously.

Roberto presses his lips firmly together. Rogue deftly squeezes his nose shut. He sputters for air and finally has to open his mouth before he suffocates. Rogue shoves the ring in with a gleeful cry of triumph. She knocks, and the door swings open.

"Let's go!" Rogue says happily walking through the door.

She goes through the door and Logan and Piotr race to follow. They both try to get through the door at the same time and get into such a tangle that the door closes before they can straighten themselves out.

"Now you've done it!" Logan says angrily blaming Piotr

In a frenzy, Logan starts banging on both doors.

"Stripes! Stripes, wait!" Logan shouts not wanting to be left behind.

* * *

"And done. Man how does she do this. This has to be the stupidest thing ever and I'm just joining in half way." Vonnie says her eyes wide and shaking her head at the sheer weirdness of the parody.

Trust me it gets easier.

"And now I'm hearing voices. Perfect. What's next finding out that I'm half Kraang?" Vonnie asks as Chavonnie pops in to take a photo of her family tree which had a picture of the Kraang on it.

"Uh no." Chavonnie says with shifty eyes before disappearing with her picture.

"My creator is Chavonnie26 and she parodies it so you don't have to. So what's this I hear about us being half Kraang?" Vonnie asks Von who was walking by her cage.

* * *

**Too true. Also for those of you who want to murder me for being so late in updating I have one word for you: School. Yeah grade 10 is a b**** especially when you have to spend your entire day around hormonal boys. Also if you still want to kill me remember this. I'm in a castle surrounded by mythological beasts ready to tear you limb from limb. Are you sure you want to mess with me? Until next time my fans. I'm Chavonnie26 and I parody it so you don't have to.**


	8. Chapter 8

**I don't own X-Men Evo, TMNT or Labyrinth. If you believe I do then you're more insane than me.**

* * *

"Let's see if I got this straight. I'm half Kraang on my mother's side and half dimension warper on my dad's? How is that even possible?" Vonnie asks confused as Von explains their complicated family tree which had more than a few witches, aliens and humanoids on it.

"Well when two people love each other very much… they use sophisticated genesplicing technology and reality warping powers to make the unnatural creature that created us." Von says enjoying the look of confusion on Vonnie's face while sipping something that can't be edible.

"You know what I'm sorry I asked." Vonnie says shuddering at the thought of all the needles.

"Then next time don't ask." Von says disappearing in a puff of orange smoke.

"Insanity looms in my future. Why am I not more upset about it?" Vonnie asks with a pout.

* * *

We see Rogue on the other side of the door. Except on this side, there is no door, just a long expanse of wall. The forest is very dark, and as its name suggests, very forbidding. Rogue can hear Logan calling, but it is very faint.

"Logan?" Rogue asks sounding scared out of her mind.

* * *

"Why is it all the characters in this parody are either terrified or down right stupid? Wait I'm talking about a Chavonnie26 parody so I retract my question." Vonnie says only to get strung up by her ankle and yanked out her cage by a rope of purple energy.

"I'm baaaaaaaack. Did you miss me?" Chavonnie asks appearing in front of Vonnie with a dramatic fanfare and a laser show.

"No and I'm sure the cast didn't either." Vonnie says as a pair of red energy scissors cut the rope sending her hurtling to the ground.

"Someone's just grumpy she didn't get to flirt with Raph." Chavonnie says mockingly as Vonnie picks herself off the ground.

"No I'm grumpy because you stuck me in a cage crawling with cockroaches." Vonnie says her eyes flashing red.

"Not my fault you have a fear of them. But it is funny to watch. BTW there's one behind you." Chavonnie says pointing to the giant cockroach sneaking up on Vonnie.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! I'M OUTTA HERE!" Vonnie screams when she sees the roach and runs away at a speed that would make Pietro jealous.

"Thanks for the assist Vi." Chavonnie says to the roach who turns into a blue-haired version of Chavonnie wearing a green jumpsuit with black boots and trim and a black symbol on her back that looks suspiciously like a shell.

"No problem." Vi says before running away quickly when she sees the giant flying monkey behind Chavonnie.

"What got into her?" Chavonnie asks before turning around, screaming like a banshee and running like a bat out of hell away.

"Works every time." Von says smirking as she turned the flying monkey back into Leo with an evil laugh.

"Not cool." Leo says as he storms off still sporting a monkey tail.

* * *

Logan is beating on the doors with such a frenzy that the other door swings open.

"I'm coming ..." Logan says as he rushes through the door and disappears.

We can tell from his voice that he is falling down a deep hole.

"…Strrriiiiipppess!" Logan shouts very echo-y.

We hear a huge splash. Then that door shuts and Piotr is all alone.

"Rogue ... gone. Logan ... gone." Piotr says stating the obvious.

He is sad and confused. A figure emerges from the hedge maze and begins to walk along the wall, away from Piotr. It's Old Bucket Head and Pietro the Hat. Piotr brightens and chases after them.

"Wait!" Piotr shouts chasing after Magsie.

Magneto stops and Pietro looks Piotr up and down.

"This ought to be a good one!" Pietro says sounding as bored as ever.

"Piotr ... need ... door!" Piotr says stupidly.

"You have need of a door, do you? Ah, yes. A very useful thing, the door; also known as a portal or threshold - and that which gives access, a gate or gangway ..." Magneto drones as most of the audience yawn.

He continues walking and Piotr walks with him, listening intently.

"... also an entrance or entry, often accompanied by a propylaeum ..." Magneto drones on as Pietro considers an early death.

"If only I had hands I could cover my ears ... that is, if I had ears ..." Pietro says with a sigh.

"... not to be confused with a window, or fenestration ..."

* * *

"Alright we just go in, take down Von then get out. How hard could it be?" Chavonnie asks her rag-tag group of Vonnie, Vi and herself.

Vi and Vonnie were busy glaring at each other and they were just itching to use their weapons on each other.

"Remind me why we can't ask the rest of the commentators for help?" Vonnie asks pausing in her glaring match with Vi.

"Because they went native a couple days ago and are now serving Von as a goddess. Now come on we have work to do." Chavonnie says as she leads her group into the sound stage.

A few seconds later they were tossed out more than a little charred and their hair sticking up all over the place.

"Well that worked." Vonnie says coughing up some smoke.

"So does anyone else have a plan?" Chavonnie asks hopefully while trying not to squeak in pain as she got up again.

She's met with two blank looks.

* * *

Rogue has waited long enough.

"Logan, Piotr ... where are you?" Rogue calls out hoping for an answer.

She reaches into her pocket and looks at the watch. The hour hand is on the 7.

"Oh, Laura!" Rogue whispers and she shoves the watch back into her pocket, "Well, you guys are going to have to catch up with me 'cause I can't wait."

Then determined, she strides off.

* * *

"You sure this will work?" Chavonnie asks as she, Vi and Vonnie sneak into the soundstage each carrying a weapon and at least five boxes of pizza.

Chavonnie is carrying a purple spear with a black blade as well as a flamethrower, a couple throwing knives and a MK47.

"Certain. No one can resist homemade pizza with sausage, mushrooms and extra cheese." Vi says her twin katanas still in their sheathes as they walked quietly trying not to be seen.

Unfortunately they were spotted by a few of the guards Von had sent to keep them out.

"I really hate you." Chavonnie says tied up onto a wooden pole as Kurt and Alex carried her and her weapons.

"Feeling's mutual." Vi says in the same position except being carried by Logan and Ororo.

"Hey at least you have a good view." Vonnie says in the same position being carried by Sam and Mikey.

The commentators were all chanting something in a weird language and the inside of the soundstage was turned into some sort of jungle temple.

"Well this won't end well." Chavonnie says looking up at the giant pyramid temple in front of her.

* * *

Logan is in a pool at the bottom of a deep hole in the ground. There is a ledge just above him and he splashes violently trying to reach it.

"Somebody help me! I can't swim!" Logan shouts out as the metal on his bones drags him down.

* * *

"Ah good to see you three again." Von says to the tied up Chavonnie, Vi and Vonnie.

Von was dressed up like some sort of Aztec warrior in orange and gold as the four of them and the guards are surrounded in a power negating forcefield.

"Wish I could say the same. I knew that potion was a bad idea." Chavonnie says from her upside down position.

"Aww poor Von-Pon is having a bad day is she?" Von says mockingly getting in Chavonnie's face.

She instantly regretted it when Chavonnie spit in her face.

"Eww what have you been eating?" Von asks wiping the spit off her face.

"Ham, garlic and hummus sandwiches with chocolate flavoured popcorn. Why?" Chavonnie asks tilting her head to the side with a smile.

"That explains the garlic and chocolate smell." Von says turning green.

"It also explains why no guy will date her." Vonnie says getting a glare from Chavonnie.

"I'll have you know I was in an all girl school for nine years." Chavonnie says seriously offended.

"What about these last two?" Vi asks as Chavonnie turns bright red.

"That's none of your business!" Chavonnie snaps as everyone around her starts laughing.

"That's it! Release the fangirls!" Chavonnie snaps as the giant doors open letting both sunlight and an army of fangirls into the soundstage.

Everyone screams in terror of both the light and the fangirls before hiding as fast as they could.

"You win this round Chavonnie but I will get the narrator on my side. Just you wait and see." Von says disappearing in a puff of orange smirk.

"Thank Rob for fanfiction's steady supply of fans. Now how do we get loose?" Chavonnie asks as Vonnie and Vi groan.

* * *

Rogue is in a very thick, creepy part of the woods. She is clearly lost. She gets herself tangled in a thorn bush, and struggles with it to get herself free. Finally she does, and then, frustrated, sits down on the ground.

"Why does everything have to happen to me?" Rogue asks herself in a whine.

But there's no time to think about that because she hears the sound of a driving drum rhythm and then a wild-looking, spindly, leering little creature played by Pyro comes scampering through the trees and into the clearing; and then Tabby, and Wanda and Duncan. Rogue is terrified as they approach her, but then not so terrified because the actors aren't doing anything except dancing; wild, loose-limbed, frenzied dancing. Rogue laughs, and can't help but be taken in by the wild spectacle. And then they begin to encircle her, still moving to the wild rhythm.

"What are you?" Rogue asks with a laugh as she moves.

"We're Wild Things, baby! Wild!" Pyro says with an insane laugh.

"Wild and free!" Tabby says in glee.

"Get down!" Duncan shouts stupidly.

And then more wild things appear, and these produce instruments. As and turn the drum rhythm into a frenzied upbeat number.

"You call that wild! I'll show you wild!" Pyro says excitedly.

And then he does an amazing thing, to say the least. He takes his head off and rolls it along his arms from hand to hand like a juggler, then tosses it high in the air and deftly catches it on his shoulders. Rogue gasps and tries to get away but Tabby pushes her back into the middle of the melee.

"Cut me some slack and move on back!" Tabby says just as excited as Pyro.

And they do, and, moving to the pounding rhythm, she takes her eyes out of her head and waves them at Rogue. She then tosses them on the ground as if they were a pair of dice. They land at Rogue's feet looking straight up.

"Snake eyes!" Tabby says happily.

ROGUE is fascinated and repelled. And the beat gets hotter and the frenzy more frenzied and she can't help getting a little wild herself. She begins to really dance.

"That's it, baby, get wild and free! But you'll never be as wild as me!" Duncan says trying to be the coolest person there.

And to prove it he takes his head off and begins to dribble it like a basketball. Pyro leans over to Rogue and whispers conspiratorially.

"I wouldn't call that really _wild_, would you?" Pyro asks in his whisper.

"Well, it's ... uh ... sort of ..." Rogue says trying not to upset him.

"I'd call _this_ wild ..." Pyro says and he takes off his head, puts it on the ground as if it were a golf ball, and then removes a leg and uses it as a golf club.

The head goes flying, right to Rogue. Rogue catches the head and then tries to get it back to its body but the body dances into the middle of all the other wild things and she can't find it. So there's Rogue, running around like a chicken with two heads when suddenly the ears start to flap and the head flies out of her hand. A wild thing grabs her hand and turns her around.

"That was _wild_, baby." Tabby says as she starts to dance, "Now how 'bout gettin' wild with me?"

But Rogue has had enough.

"I think I'll sit this one out ..." Rogue says trying not to offend any of them.

"Not with us you don't ..." Pyro says almost as if he were planning something.

"'Cause we're _wild_!" Tabby shouts with an insane grin.

And then they're all over her, like a bunch of hyper puppies, and it's really too much.

"Enough! I've got to find the castle!" Rogue shouts totally fed up.

"Well, why didn't you say so, baby!" Tabby says still sounding happy.

"That's a _wild_ idea!" Duncan shouts happy as well.

And then his head flies off and he has to quickly grab it and put it back and meanwhile the others start pushing and pulling on Rogue and propel her into the woods.

"They got some wild goings on at the castle, Sheila!" Pyro shouts waving her goodbye.

* * *

"And there's the Big Lipped Alligator moment. Till next time. I'm Chavonnie26 and I parody it so you don't have to. Could someone get me down from here?" Chavonnie asks still tied up but now over the Jott pit since many of the fangirls were mad at her for torturing their favourite characters.

"Nope." Lockheed says making a cameo as one of the fangirls' pet.

"Thank you for nothing you useless reptile." Chavonnie says glaring at the dragon. (Shameless plug for my first parody. Find the line and win a prize.)

* * *

**Oi vey this was a weird one. Guess that's what happens when you're woozy on pain meds. Yeah turns out you shouldn't wear UGGs in the rain on a steep set of steps. Till next time. Laters.**


End file.
